The time I went to pre-teen, feminist, computer camp...

When I was about 8, my parents had no idea what to do with me. I wasn't fitting into a normal niche and was playing a lot of pokemon. By 8, it had become clear that I would never actually enjoy playing sports, but I also couldn't put my hair in a ponytail, let alone be girlie yet. On top of this, I couldn't understand out how to read until about 10 (for the record, I'm pretty good at it now) so it wasn't looking like I'd be a brain either. My best friend at this time was a Chinese girl who we'll call Molly for the sake of this blog. Unlike me, Molly was incredibly bright as were both of her parents. Molly was very cold and structured, there was nothing particularly fun or interesting about her but she did have a really fun backyard. In an attempt to get rid of me during the summer and hopefully have some of Molly's brain rub off on me, my parents talked to Molly's parents and they decided to sign us up for a computer camp just for girls. The camp was local and only lasted a week, but the impact lasted a lifetime.

On the first day of camp I was super nervous. It was the first time I had ever been to a camp before. Boy was I glad to have my bestie with me though. I knew this would bring Molly and I closer together and at the very least would cement the fact that we'd be lunch buddies for another year. As we walked into camp, I quickly realized I was the youngest girl there. I was also the only girl who hadn't walked in harboring a resentment towards Men. The Camp Director, Linda was terrifying, and going through a divorce. She hated men, but she really hated little girls who didn't hate on men. I was forced to make a decision, to choose between Linda's respect and loving my Dad. Molly could sense that I had commitment issues and that I wasn't exactly camp material and subsequently dropped me like a hot potato within the first hour.

Alone, in a feminist camp, we spent the day talking about email and chatrooms. I sat in the back hoping that there would be another father loving outsider to hang out with but she never came. Matters only got worse during lunch when my loving mother packed me a ham sandwich and a diet coke, lovingly kept cold in a Hooters beer cozy. Try explaining that to terrifying man-hating, feminist Linda. To this day, I wonder if my parents did that on purpose as some sort of cruel joke?

Each day in camp was worse than the one before. We went to look at lasers a lot, then we'd come back and look at pictures of models of all shapes, colors, and sizes. I got yelled at because I thought the skinny blond model was the prettiest. They had an intervention with me of sorts to inform me that she was in fact ugly and deformed and that I had been brainwashed by the male dominated media. A concept I couldn't exactly grasp at 8. Then the worst thing yet, on day 4, I got caught playing with my tomigotchi so they took that away too.

As the days progressed, we played with more lasers and liquid nitrogen. I had turned my Hooters beer cozy inside-out and then duct tapped it, so it looked even classier now. By day 5 I was mentally, and emotionally drained. I had lost a good toy, a bad friend, and any interest in computers.

I think this is why I only use Macs, I have no Chinese friends, and divorced feminists scare the shit out of me.