Get outtta here

Can Lady Gaga please go back to Yonkers and get the heck outta London.

I'm terrified I'll see her in Tesco (because she wants all her little monsters to know that she keeps it real) wearing a paper mache goat head (look at me! look at me!) or something.

East vs. West

I'm totally running out of things to talk about, mainly because I'm trying to write something for my travel writing course and it's depleting me completely. So instead of yet another rant about traveling or how cool big ben is, I want to resurrect a decade dead feud. East vs. West. LA vs. New York.

Now the only reason I'm doing this is because my sister, Erin, has lived in both places and the symbolism of this age old feud can't be beat. It should also be noted that I am not really including any of the east or west coast cities, because let's be honest, does anyone really give a shit about Boston or San Francisco?

So which is better: the fun, hot, dumb shallow chick, or the moody deep pretentious chick. Daria vs. Quinn. Exactly.

Ok so what does LA have to offer....umm duh it's beautiful, they have great mexican food (which I could really go for right now), there is a great art scene (although hidden) and I do have a fetish for multi-million dollar real estate. Not to mention you have canyons, mountains, and the beach. In my humble opinion, it is easily the best place to vacation, party, be a tourist in the U.S. Now the only true downside to this city by the sea is the fact that everyone there is kinda dumb, like 6 million Paris Hilton's running around like chickens with their heads come off.

So a beautiful city with no soul? yea kinda.

Now we move a little East to NYC. When I was little we used to vacation in Manhattan and yet I have never been to the statue of liberty, the empire state building, and um what is Ellis Island? I used to be obsessed with NYC dreaming of the day that I would one day make it there and live in a fabulous brownstone a la the Countess. The only problem is, one day I also began to understand the concept of money and than that little 9/11 thing happened. Now when I go to NYC I get depressed. It's not the golden city I had always imagined, it's crowded, busy, noisy, and expensive. Somewhere along the line it turned into Gotham. That being said, the people are smart, the scene is amazing, and it has everything anyone could ever want.

So which city wins? I don't know, I also don't even know who shot Biggie so I wouldn't be holding my breath for an answer.

The Olsen Effect

So I have a horrible confession that I must admit to before it strangles me to death.....The main reason I ever wanted to travel in the first place had nothing to do with adventure, cultural curiosity, or intellectual stimulation, my desire to see the world was completely and totally a result of Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen movies.

I mean come on:

When they went to Paris at the age of 12, not only did they solve a major sewage/diplomatic debacle, they also met 2 adorable french boys who delivered flowers for a living AND had mopeds. I mean come on, Paris on the back of a moped with roses at the age of 12, can you even attempt to beat that?!

The answer is: of course you can! Thats why they went to Australia just a two mere years later. Down under they solved a major diamond heist, met two hot Aussie surfers, hung out on a yacht AND they had the luxury of replacing mopeds with jet skis...upgrade!!

Our Lips Are Sealed

But oh no, France and Australia weren't enough for these world travelers, soon they headed to Atlantis in the Bahamas where they stole two hotties from a young Megan Fox, solved yet another illegal operation and had several montages involving water slides. I am also 99% sure that both jet skis and mopeds were involved in this classic.

Then there was the big one....the one that pretty much determined everything for me. Winning London. Not only did they meet some gorgeous Brits, they were also in Model UN....cute and smart? check and check. The clothes alone blew my 14 year old mind. I was green with envy. I am also pretty sure that this is why I have an emotional attachment to the Peter Pan statue in Hyde Park.

There were a few more, the one where they went to Rome and then that horrible one where they ran around NYC being followed by the Dad from American Pie but by then I was sooo over it, but the point is, every American girl has seen these movies and every single one of us lived vicariously through them. God I want to be them because (confession #2) I am still a little sore about the fact I have yet to be invited on to a moped by some charming European.

Ed. Note: I used to spend hours trying to make my hair look like theirs...AND I STILL DO

Don't be scared....

I know Halloween is over, but there is something equally as scary to talk about. Traveling. I know a lot of people who are genuinely terrified of traveling and subsequently they just won't do it. I think it's an American thing, especially with my little generation, due to the 9/11 attacks happening at a very impressionable age. So shit it scary, that doesn't mean you have to stay in your hometown watching shark week for intellectual stimulation.

1. Ok terrorists on a plane. This is a really scary concept for us yanks but it shouldn't be. Fuck the terrorists for trying to trap us in upstate New York. We can't let them win!! I mean I do get it, I personally hate to fly, like panic attack hate, so what do I do? I pop a xanax and get drunk before I board. Life is way less scary with a good buzz. The fact of the matter is, it's a real shame if the 1 in a million chance of something terrible happening to you stops you from doing something awesome.

2. High terrorist ratings. Every now and then the state department will raise the terror rating in a certain city or country. Now ok, it probably isn't a good idea to hang out in front of the U.S. embassy in Yemen. In fact, that would be incredibly stupid. But don't let those pussies at the state department stop you from going to Paris, because lets face it, you'll most likely be ok and they are probably just jealous.

3. Traveling alone. This idea can be scary, and if you aren't an "alone time" person you probably won't like it. But there are ton's of tour companies that are specifically for people traveling alone, so you don't actually have to be alone. You'll meet some really cool people and become less dependent on your lame boyfriend. If you are ok with being alone, I'd definitely recommend trying a little weekend trip by yourself. It can be really fun and relaxing. I was in Paris for 2 days before I met up with my family and Me and I had a ball. We now have even more inside jokes, and have promised to do it again in the near future.

4. Being robbed/losing all your shit. I always lose all my shit, it's literally what I do, I actually plan on it now, and it's not that scary. It can be really annoying and you kinda feel a little vulnerable after you've been robbed, but thats ok, you'll get over it and after a while it will become really funny. ed. note: Worst case scenario is a trip to the embassy to beg for a new passport.

5. Being in an alien environment. For some people, being in a new place is absolutely terrifying. I mean I was really nervous the first time I left the country, but then I realized I was in Ireland and got over it. These people suck and no one wants to hang out with them. If you are one of these people, talk yourself out of it because it's not charming.

At the end of the day, ghost, aliens, and spencer pratt are all scary. Traveling can be scary but in a good way, sure it has it's risks but so does everything good. You know those annoying girls who post facebook status' about how scary letting go and falling in love is (in order to send subliminal messages to the boys they like)? SAME THING!!!

Not to be a downer

I don't really like getting all political in public, it is very rude, but that being said....Today is a huge election day in the States so please go out there and vote!!!

I don't care if you are a democrat, a republican, LIBERTARIAN!!, or a tea partier....Congress has done a shitty job, we need to get them outtta there.

Peanut Butter and JEALOUS

A little known fact about me is that I am an extremely jealous person (I think the only person who knows that is my 5th grade boyfriend, prick) especially when it comes to travel. I can handle someone being better looking than me, smarter than me, better read then me, but if you are cooler than me or better traveled than me I get really pissy about it and throw a mental tantrum. Luckily, I have been able to control this issue and just do/say mean things in my head instead of at my target of jealousy.

That being said, I just spent 3 hours (THATS A REALLY LONG TIME TO BE WITH YOUR LANDLORD) looking at pictures from my landlady's trip throughout the middle east.

They were fucking amazing, and now I am super jealous. I really need to get my ass into gear and visit some more outrages places outside of my comfort zone.

I mean I'm not talking Afghanistan here, but I would like to pop into Asia in the very near future. I've always wanted to taste dog.

In conclusion: All I want for Christmas is a backpacking trip through Asia, and a Red Ryder BB gun, and Hugh Grant's phone number.

sorry....

I apologize for being lazy this weekend and not posting anything, but to be fair it was halloween/my roommates birthday this weekend and I'm still hungover. Which reminds me....

ALWAYS avoid being hungover when you're traveling, its the biggest bummer in the world.

Here are my top 5 worst hangovers abroad EVER.

5. Bars in Romania don't close and I mean literally some never close. We are talking 24/7 which can obviously get you into trouble. Dancing on a table with some Northern Africans and downing shots of Absinthe is really good way to fuck yourself over. It only gets worse when you buy a Kabab covered in Mayo at 5AM. Needless to say the next day I actually wanted to die a little bit.

4.One night in Rome we went to a bar in the camping complex we were staying at. In my infinite wisdom I thought it'd be a really good idea to drink an entire bottle of wine before I went (classy, I know). So we get to this bar and everyone there is under the age of 18, except for a group of guys who were hovering around 40. In order to surpress my urge to make an uncomfortable situation even more uncomfortable, I drank more. This was when things started to go wrong. I was with 3 friends, one began crying for being rejected, one began to comfort the hot mess and started crying out of sympathy, and the other one was running around with me making trouble, dancing with old men, and drinking. Finally we left the bar around 2 and headed back to our cabin where we find the door wide open and all my money/ipod gone. Officially now poor, I began crying and screaming. Then the toilet broke. The next day, everyone felt really good about themselves.

3. The last time I went camping was in Scotland. Now Scotland is beautiful don't get me wrong, but I am not a happy camper. To help me ignore the fact that we were in fact camping I drank several beers until I was able to convince myself that sleeping on the ground with 3 other people was super fun. At around 5AM it started raining. At around 5:03AM the tent was completely flooded and everyone was shouting at each other. Wet, exhausted, and hung over we all piled into the car and began to hate life for the solid 3 hours it took to drive back to our hotel.

2. Getting really messed up in Prague was awesome. We went to about 6 different bars (no it was not a bar crawl) and stayed out until dawn when we finished up with a big mac meal at 5AM. Always a good idea. When we finally got back to our hostel at around 6AM we just passed out in all our post-party glory. Finally at around 11 we woke up and prepared for our last day in Prague. But first, we needed to go to that bagel shop to get a bagel. While there we realized that we still felt like shit so we decided to just walk to starbucks instead of site seeing. When we finally got there, we realized that we could really go for another bagel so we walked to another bagel shop. Then we went back to the hostel and had soup. What fun final day.

1. The worst hangover of my life. I spent one summer studying in Cork Ireland. On weekdays we had classes, on saturday we had field trips and we had the day off on Sunday. My friend's birthday just so happened to fall on a Friday. This resulted in us getting so drunk I am actually amazed we made it home in one piece. I believe we got in around 3am, and we had to leave for our mandatory field trip at 8. At around 7 we rolled out of bed and quickly realized that today was not going to be the best day ever. Knowing this, I brought my quilt and my friend brought some food for the bus ride. Our first stop of the field trip took us about 3 hours by bus. I laid on the floor in my quilt and my friend spread out on the back seat trying not to throw up. When we arrived we laid in the grass while everyone else explored an old manor house. Our next stop was literally to a field which took another 3 hours to get to. Not interested in their very literal take on what a field trip was, we walked a mile to a gas station and got some pringles. The bus driver saw us, but he was cool so he didn't blow up our spot. Our third and final stop was to a restaurant. On the way there, my friend had to throw up into the bag of cookies she bought (they were good cookies too) and I continued to sleep on the floor. When we arrived for dinner I went to the bathroom to throw up. Then we all sat outside praying that the earth would stop spinning so damn fast. Three hours later we were finally home in time to grab a drink.