Malta

Just like Britney, I'm back.

I started working full time at a travel agency which means I have slowly become more boring and exhausted. I have realized that in order to write you need to have a lot of free time, which is why most writers are unemployed and are forced to burn their manuscripts for warmth in the winter months. Unfortunately for my writing career, I am far too shallow and materialistic to be a successful novelist and since I have yet to find a wealthy older gentleman dying of cancer, this chick has to slave away for the man.

Anyway I actually left my country again for a change. This time I was feeling a bit homesick, and a bit sun-sick so I dragged my pale bum to the Island nation of Malta for a little swim.

I'm not going to lie, half the reason I chose Malta is because it sounded wacky, and I am finding it increasingly hard to appear kooky working a full-time job (This explains why my Father is weirder now that he has retired, being weird takes up a lot of free time- but that is a blog entry for a different time) Anyway, Malta...

Things that were amazing:

-The water is clear, some of the clearest water in the Mediterranean in my novice opinion.

- The food was amazing. Octopus Stew is heaven, if heaven is chewy and slightly spicy-which I'm assuming it is.

- It is always sunny, and by always I mean all four days that I was there

- Less touristy then Italy, the South of France and Spain (God I sound pretentious)

- People are super friendly. For this I am giving a big shout-out to Jester's Pub located across from the San Pawl's Hotel in St Paul's Bay. The food was fabulous, they had Bud on the 4th of July, and a Boxer puppy named Duke. In the words of the owner "Tell people in New York about us" and so here I am, pimping out Jesters pub to all my fellow New Yorkers.

Things that were a bit of a bummer:

- I really hate seaweed and if you're looking for white sandy beaches I'd probably head elsewhere.

My one major recommendation: if you do drag your equally pale bum to Malta, check out Blue lagoon- Yes there are tourists and it is very crowded but the water is so clear it's worth it. All-in-all it makes the Bahamas look like New Jersey.

Would I visit Malta again? Absolutely, but unlike Paris and London I wouldn't make it an annual pilgrimage, but it is the perfect cheap holiday for a short little break from the rain and drain of daily life. I spent (including spending money) roughly 500GBP for 4 days of paradise and I could have probably spent only 300 if I wasn't a total lush.

I do have actual pictures that we took but I lost my camera so I'm relying on the generosity of my current gentleman caller for these Kodak moments...I'll post pictures after I steal them from him.

Some scary sh!t

I was going through my catalogs of blogs/twitters this morning and it was the usual stuff, white girl problems, drug articles, love blogs blah blah blah but then I stumbled upon an article about why clowns are scary and I agreed with every single word. Clowns are universally terrifying. It's just unfortunate that my bffaeaaeaeaea is actually a professional clown. Well anyway, clowns aren't the only things that go bump in the night, there are quite a few and here they are:

10. Clowns. We'll start off here because I just rambled on and on about it. Clowns are scary because you can't see their faces which means you don't know what they're thinking, or when they are lying, or if they are plotting to kill you. They are also scary because we know that comedians and funny people usually have the darkest souls. Long story short, clowns are the worst, just ask Stephen King.

9. People who don't make eye contact. I never understood the point of eye contact until I was 18. I literally didn't get what the big deal was, that was until I met someone who also never made eye contact and I realized how crazy it makes you look. People who don't make eye contact look like sociopaths/psychopaths and all other types of paths. Avoiding eye contact means you are stuck in your head and when you're stuck in your head you're probably up to no good.

8. Gangs. Gangs are scary because sometimes they will try to stab you to get initiated and that is super scary.

7. Crazy religious people. When someone crosses the line from believer to lunatic it is terrifying. They tend to blow up planes or abortion clinics and this just doesn't sit well with me which is just a small reason why I tend to avoid both.

6. Train tracks. Train tracks are scary because when you are looking at them you always wonder what would happen if you fell in, or jumped in, or got pushed in. Train tracks are like a little death tease and sometimes they make you feel crazy or suicidal. It's when you're looking at them that you see how close to the edge you really are.

5. Drug addicts. Drug addicts are so scary because they are often out of their minds and desperate. I've seen coked out sorority girls who are just as scary as a common junky on the street. I mean, how scary is Lindsay Lohan?! Moral of the story is, if you don't want to make people cross the street when they see you, stay clean.

4. Guys on steroids. They are like junkies except they have bigger muscles and travel in packs.

3. Ghosts. Ghosts are scary because you don't know if they are real or not. For all you know there are 25 dead people watching you at this very minute and being watched is terrifying. There is a reason that people say the unknown creates fear, it's because it's true!

2. Aliens. I pray to god I never see an alien. Ed note: the mars kind not the immigrant kind.

1. Loud noises.

The legend of Lilith

Ever hear of Lilith?

I hadn't either, partly because I'm not Jewish, and partly because I spend more time reading Chelsea Handler than I do reading the classics or umm the Old Testament.

Anyway, I was in class on Tuesday when I first heard all about Lilith. She is now my new idol and I will pray to her every night from this day forward. The original feminist, rockstar, and spicegirl. So let me try and break it down for you:

Back when God was creating the world and it's people he decided that he needed some colorful characters to entertain him. He was just going to make a dude, but then he decided that just one boy would be super lame so he decided to make a chick too. Now originally he made both of these humans out of the newly created Earth. A man named Adam, and a woman named Lilith.

Now who is Lilith? She was Adam's first wife, and let me tell you, she was a total bombshell. Everything was fine, But when Adam and God wanted her to get down on her knees (because hello? she was a girl) Lilith was not having any of this, and she said to God and Adam "I'm made out of Earth, just like homeboy over there, we are equals... so pop off."

Annoyed that the beautiful Lilith was also super tough and didn't take any shit, God and Adam banished her and made her into a demon. A demon that allegedly ate children. Can you say, bad break-up?

Totally peeved that Lilith wouldn't submit, the spoiled Adam demanded a new lady love, one that knew her place and wouldn't cause any trouble. Eager to please his biggest fan, God created Eve out of Adam's rib, that way she would know that she was less than her male counterpart. She was beautiful and maternal, but she still had a bad streak. And thats when that whole apple debacle happened.

So what's the moral of the story? There are two kinds of women in this world...Lilith's and Eves. One doesn't take shit, and one creates it.

Writers block

So I have had mad writers block for the past month. It may sound romantic and poetic but don't be fooled, it's the absolute worst. When I studied history and politics it was easy. There was no such thing as politics block or history block, there was just lazy and not lazy, but now I can't just do research and present a thesis, I actually have to come up with ideas and then make them sound cool. I'm at the mercy of my own head. But thats ok, I have a surefire formula to combat the block, I'll share it will you because I'm nice.

10. Listen to rap. I always listen to rap, because I'm super white and from upstate New York. That being said, a lot of rappers are amazing with words. Plus it gets your juices pumping. I swear 50% of the time, rap makes me want to drink, 25% of the time it makes me want to fight, and 25% of the time is makes me want to write. Lets hope for the later.

9. I listen to the song Konstantine. This song brings me back to emo roots, when I was arguably at my deepest and most meaningful. Listening to this song transports me back to my teenage bedroom when I questioned the meaning of life and human nature. I was supe-de-serious back then!

8. I email my Dad. Everything that man says should be published. The man is a total nut and raises a lot of good questions, i.e. "What the hell was God thinking when he created Italy! and don't forget those Germans." He also actually gets angry when people are boring which reminds me to stay un-boring.

7. I try to make myself cry. This is really hard when I'm not sad so I usually end up watching sad youtube videos and looking in the mirror, willing myself to cry. Something about crying just makes you a better writer, I think thats why so many of them end up killing themselves!

6. I read up on my mythology and fairytales. I love fairytales because so many of the originals are very, very fucked up. The brothers grimm are my gods and whenever I need inspiration I pray to them, worship them, and ask them to guide me to a bestseller, or at least to help me finish my homework.

5. I drink. Sorry mom and dad, but if you want to write, you've got to take off your filter and the easiest way to do that is by drinking wine. My most productive weekends are the ones when I drink alone. I can easily get out 15 pages that way, even though my grammar is dreadful and I occasionally write stuff like "the meaning of life is like diet coke." WTF does that even mean, drunk krissy?

4. I take a walk. Walking pretty much solves every issue ever, rain or shine if you need to sort out your shit, you better take a walk.

3. Meet someone new. Dates, parties where you don't know anyone, striking up a conversation with a stranger...this stuff naturally makes you nervous and gets your blood pumping. Once the meeting is over, you can take all that anxiety, bottle it up, and deposit it into microsoft word.

2. Don't think about it. Sitting on a computer for 10 hours, getting angry at the voices in your head, doesn't help. If you can't think of a story just walk away and do something fun. Climb a tree, ignore your goals, just be a normy for a day, then the story will come to you.

1. Scream really loudly and get unreasonably mad at the voices in your head.

Fireworks and Friday

Ok since I was unplugged all week I missed the launch of the "worst song ever." I had been waiting my whole life for this and I missed it, what a disappointment! Almost as disappointing as realizing it is actually not the worst song ever and everyone got my hopes up for nothing.

For those of you who were living under a rock, or were on Valentia Island last week, the song in question is called "Friday" written by a tween named Rebecca Black. The lyrics are as follows:

Seven a.m., waking up in the morning
Gotta be fresh, gotta go downstairs
Gotta have my bowl, gotta have cereal
Seein' everything, the time is goin'
Tickin' on and on, everybody's rushin'
Gotta get down to the bus stop
Gotta catch my bus, I see my friends (My friends)

Kickin' in the front seat
Sittin' in the back seat
Gotta make my mind up
Which seat can I take?

It's Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday
Gettin' down on Friday
Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend

Partyin', partyin' (Yeah)
Partyin', partyin' (Yeah)
Fun, fun, fun, fun
Lookin' forward to the weekend

7:45, we're drivin' on the highway
Cruisin' so fast, I want time to fly
Fun, fun, think about fun
You know what it is
I got this, you got this
My friend is by my right, ay
I got this, you got this
Now you know it

Kickin' in the front seat
Sittin' in the back seat
Gotta make my mind up
Which seat can I take?

It's Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday
Gettin' down on Friday
Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend

[ From: http://www.metrolyrics.com/friday-lyrics-rebecca-black.html ]


Partyin', partyin' (Yeah)
Partyin', partyin' (Yeah)
Fun, fun, fun, fun
Lookin' forward to the weekend

Yesterday was Thursday, Thursday
Today i-is Friday, Friday (Partyin')
We-we-we so excited
We so excited
We gonna have a ball today

Tomorrow is Saturday
And Sunday comes after ... wards
I don't want this weekend to end

R-B, Rebecca Black
So chillin' in the front seat (In the front seat)
In the back seat (In the back seat)
I'm drivin', cruisin' (Yeah, yeah)
Fast lanes, switchin' lanes
Wit' a car up on my side (Woo!)
(C'mon) Passin' by is a school bus in front of me
Makes tick tock, tick tock, wanna scream
Check my time, it's Friday, it's a weekend
We gonna have fun, c'mon, c'mon, y'all

It's Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday
Gettin' down on Friday
Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend

Partyin', partyin' (Yeah)
Partyin', partyin' (Yeah)
Fun, fun, fun, fun
Lookin' forward to the weekend

It's Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday
Gettin' down on Friday
Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend

Partyin', partyin' (Yeah)
Partyin', partyin' (Yeah)
Fun, fun, fun, fun
Lookin' forward to the weekend

I mean yeah I get it, those are pretty bad, but the chick is 13 and thats what life is when you are 13, besides has anyone ever listened to Katy Perry's song Firework? I mean REALLLY listened to it? The song literally says "Boom Boom Boom, brighter than the moon moon moon." That sounds like something a My little Pony would write, and Perry is 26! and considers herself edgy!

Or what about Lady Gaga? I mean in Alejandro she literally just says Alejandro about one thousand times and speaks in a fake accent. That has got to be worse.

It's ok Rebecca black, keep writing about your ordinary 13 year old existence, I could totally relate to your cereal lyric, oh and the one about picking a seat. That is much more relevant to my life than Fireworks or Alejandro. The wait continues...

How to do Ireland

It's a well known fact among my inner circle that I take tremendously good care of my soul. "Krissy" time is not just an unplanned hour of self-love and bonding jammed into my free time, it is something I make time for, and go all out on.

This past week I took Krissy time to a whole new level, I packed up my purse and headed to western Ireland for a week to celebrate St. Patricks day, something every Northeastern yank hopes to do one day.

Now it should be noted that if you are ever to go to Ireland specifically for St. Pats, you should probably go to Dublin, or actually just stay stateside and go to Boston, I hear they do a pretty good job, but since I don't like Dublin and I'm not bro enough for Boston, I headed out west to Valentia Island in County Kerry. It's pretty rural, and pretty pretty. I'd highly recommend it for anyone looking to get away for a little "you time." Anyway here's what I did:

25. Met Ted Kennedy

24. Pet a horse

23. Played in a 500 year old fort

22. Got drunk on a beach

21. Proposed to a stranger- got turned down

20. Drank cider

19. Threw up cider

18. Climbed on a lot of rocks

17. Climbed a few trees

16. Saw a lighthouse

15. Played in an old castle

14. Drank some Guinness

13. Ate a lamb

12. Taught my friend how to ride a bike-ish

11. Actually cooked

10. Did yoga

9. Played in an Irish spring

8. Sat on a cliff

7. Drank a lot of whiskey

6. Ate a lot of chocolate

5. Made a fire

4. Watched movies

3. Rode a bike- jesus I forgot how much that hurt

2. Played in a grotto

1. Caught a lephrechaun

The best part of going to the countryside of Ireland is that you actually get to see the real Ireland. Dublin, Cork, and Galway are all totally awesome (except I hate Dublin) but they are very touristy and you'll end up hanging out with the Johnsons from Kansas in Temple Bar talking about the Irish experience, which you aren't actually experiencing. When it comes to most places, but especially Ireland, the more rural the better. The food is usually better, the beer is just as good, and you won't have to pay 10 euro to visit the old ruins, you can just jump the fence!

Heres the leprechaun I caught.

Oh and why did I write about jealousy today?

I'm actually traveling today, I know remember when thats what this blog was supposed to be about?!

Anyway, I'll be on Valentia Island off the coast of Ireland for the week. I mean it is St. Patrick's day after all.

Long story short: It's ok to be jealous.