Writers block

So I have had mad writers block for the past month. It may sound romantic and poetic but don't be fooled, it's the absolute worst. When I studied history and politics it was easy. There was no such thing as politics block or history block, there was just lazy and not lazy, but now I can't just do research and present a thesis, I actually have to come up with ideas and then make them sound cool. I'm at the mercy of my own head. But thats ok, I have a surefire formula to combat the block, I'll share it will you because I'm nice.

10. Listen to rap. I always listen to rap, because I'm super white and from upstate New York. That being said, a lot of rappers are amazing with words. Plus it gets your juices pumping. I swear 50% of the time, rap makes me want to drink, 25% of the time it makes me want to fight, and 25% of the time is makes me want to write. Lets hope for the later.

9. I listen to the song Konstantine. This song brings me back to emo roots, when I was arguably at my deepest and most meaningful. Listening to this song transports me back to my teenage bedroom when I questioned the meaning of life and human nature. I was supe-de-serious back then!

8. I email my Dad. Everything that man says should be published. The man is a total nut and raises a lot of good questions, i.e. "What the hell was God thinking when he created Italy! and don't forget those Germans." He also actually gets angry when people are boring which reminds me to stay un-boring.

7. I try to make myself cry. This is really hard when I'm not sad so I usually end up watching sad youtube videos and looking in the mirror, willing myself to cry. Something about crying just makes you a better writer, I think thats why so many of them end up killing themselves!

6. I read up on my mythology and fairytales. I love fairytales because so many of the originals are very, very fucked up. The brothers grimm are my gods and whenever I need inspiration I pray to them, worship them, and ask them to guide me to a bestseller, or at least to help me finish my homework.

5. I drink. Sorry mom and dad, but if you want to write, you've got to take off your filter and the easiest way to do that is by drinking wine. My most productive weekends are the ones when I drink alone. I can easily get out 15 pages that way, even though my grammar is dreadful and I occasionally write stuff like "the meaning of life is like diet coke." WTF does that even mean, drunk krissy?

4. I take a walk. Walking pretty much solves every issue ever, rain or shine if you need to sort out your shit, you better take a walk.

3. Meet someone new. Dates, parties where you don't know anyone, striking up a conversation with a stranger...this stuff naturally makes you nervous and gets your blood pumping. Once the meeting is over, you can take all that anxiety, bottle it up, and deposit it into microsoft word.

2. Don't think about it. Sitting on a computer for 10 hours, getting angry at the voices in your head, doesn't help. If you can't think of a story just walk away and do something fun. Climb a tree, ignore your goals, just be a normy for a day, then the story will come to you.

1. Scream really loudly and get unreasonably mad at the voices in your head.