My sister...

poses a good question:

"why do 20-something guy tourists take pictures of themselves alone in front of historical monuments with a straight face? i mean i know guys arent, like "supposed" to smile, but ive always found that super weird. and they all do it. and they mostly wear running sneakers while doing so. its like EVERY time you look at your dude friend's pictures this is happening. you should ask around. maybe you dont find this strange? maybe im just thinking of ryan mcdonald?"

Traveler vs. Tourist

So we all fancy ourselves as travelers don't we? Tourists are those lame old people with baseball caps and fanny packs who take a million pictures of themselves standing in front of statues, but travelers are a different breed. They are rustic and interested in culture, food, the true beauty of a city....right?

Well no not really, I consider myself to be very much a tourist. Anytime I'm in a strange city, I'm a total geeky, annoying, "LOOK AT THAT!" tourist, not a traveler. I think the idea of being a traveler is the romantic in us all. We all want to be that fearless nomad with no roots, searching for adventure, but the fact of the matter is, we probably aren't.

I guess it should be said that I do know some travelers. They are that very rare species that go to unpleasant places and just wander around searching for the meaning of life or something. They disappear for months on end before randomly popping up online in some Japanese coffee shop before once again vanishing into the murky depths of the eastern hemisphere. Those are the real travelers.

So what is this aversion to being a tourist? Is it because it sounds so lame, involves taking pictures and not fitting in? I kind of like all that. I mean sure, if I'm in Paris, it would be nice to be mistaken for a Parisian, but there is something really cool about being in a strange city for the first time, discovering what it has to offer, and being excited about it. I couldn't help but smile the first time I saw the Eiffel Tower, Big Ben, and the Pantheon. I know that doesn't make me cool but so be it.

The main problem is, there is a huge snob factor that comes with traveling. I have met a fair amount of people who will try to one up you every time you mention a place you've visited. If you come across one of these people, you can be sure they will most likely refer to themselves as a traveler, never ever a tourist. Well good riddance I say.

So my recommendation to anyone and everyone is be a total tourist every time you leave your hometown. Take a ton of pictures, go out to dinner, walk around, besides, the life of a lone traveler is really exhausting and you'll probably end up accidentally hiking in Iran (Not ideal).

Road Trip

Road trips. Everyone loves the romance of the open road, not knowing where you're going or when you'll get there, but who cares because this is what freedom feels like. Anyone who spouts this shit off to you has obviously never driven across country or to Florida, and if they did, they must have had plenty of time/money/alcohol/friends. If you're simply driving from point A to point B the trip can be pretty grueling.

Prior to 9/11 my family was on a plane maybe twice, and after 9/11 it was another 7 years before I stepped on a plane again. This is partly due to the fact that its expensive, and partly because my Dad is obsessed with the novelty of driving long distances. On the road is where he does his "thinking" and has his alone time. So what does this mean for my family? It means we used to fucking drive a lot. I turned pro at road trips by the age of 12 and here is what I have learned...

1. You need to have snacks. Lots and lots of snacks. Salty, sweet, healthy, whatever. You better have an enormous assortment along with a ton of diet coke. You're going to be in a car for 12 hours, might as well be in a sugar coma.

2. Plan on getting lost. When i was little I used to get very worried every time my parents got us lost. Now I expect it and even enjoy it. If I'm in a car, we will get lost, especially if we are using a Tomtom, or onstar.

3. Choose your rest stops carefully. I have learned that Long John Silvers will make everyone sick, taking your family to hooters will make everyone feel uncomfortable, and you will very often mind that shady diners in North Carolina have dirty silverware. Wendy's is always a safe bet.

4. You never want to be the one with the weak bladder. I once read an article that said the average human has the ability to pee every 7 minutes. This apparently had an enormous impact on me and I am now convinced that I HAVE to pee every 7 minutes. That being said, I cut my liquid intake while driving down to barely nothing. Who wants to be the weak one?

5. Games and magazines are pointless. I always pretend that I will read a book whenever I begin a road trip, no way no how. It gets boring after about 10 minutes and/or you get car sick. You're better off bringing your ipod.

6. When you're with friends, the CD selection is crucial, i.e. you can bet your bottom dollar that Britney Spears will be in the rotation. These songs are fun, and everyone knows the words. Besides you'll have sick bonding scene like in CrossRoads. No one wants to listen to your cool Sonic Youth album when you're road trippin'. It's probably the only time that listening to Smash Mouth will be socially acceptable.

7. Going to sleep. If it's just you and one friend you better not fall asleep, it's rude, especially if you're the one driving. If you're in a big group then take turns. There is nothing more depressing than driving while your 7 besties are passed out snoring.

8. If your nerves start rubbing than stop at some tacky roadside attraction. It'll make for a great facebook album cover.

9. If you can, stay at a hotel overnight, the seedier the better. Sororities in Cortland stay in gross hotels for one night each term because the grossness helps them bond or something. For years you and your crew can talk about the deformed check-in guy, the broken bed, and the stained sheets. It'll become a funny memory from the good ol' days when you were wild and crazy and decided to take a road trip.

10. When you get to your final destination, cheer really loudly like you just survived the Oregon Trail. It'll make it seem like a true occasion.

Cosmote comercial from romania

Dracula

I was chatting with one of the other girls who I went to Romania with yesterday and she reminded me that some really weird shit had happened over there, like really weird. No don't get me wrong Romania was a life changing experience, but I would be lying if I said it wasn't different at all. Here's just a taste of what went down.

1. The drunkest night of my life was with two professors. It was our first week in Romania and as sort of a welcome, one of the Romania professors invited us out to dinner. We arrived fairly early, around 7, and by 8 I was completely, totally, horribly smashed. Said professor brought his own alcohol and I'm not taking about a bottle of wine, I'm talking about SEVERAL bottles of Tucia, and flavored/syrupy/schnappy shit. Any time that you tried to say you had enough he'd fill your glass up even higher and make you drink. I actually had to excuse myself from the table and throw up a little bit. I've had a beer with professors before but this was definitely the first time I binged drank with one.

2. In the dorms of the University there were obviously elevators. They were old, they were small, and they would often stop and open up half-way between floors. On one such occasion a girl tried to jump out but fell through the gap and died. Now I found this to be incredibly disturbing...everyone else was all "whatever" about it.

3. There was one bar in town that was a pretty big deal. 4 floors, each with a different theme opened 24/7. One night we walked into the bar and asked the people at the door if the 2nd floor was open. They say yes. We walk up there and try to sit down, not more than 2 minutes later we get yelled at for trying to crash a private party. Bummed we walk down back to the door and ask them if the first floor was open. They once again say yes. We walk in and the janitor is mopping the floor, there's no one behind the bar, and not a soul to be seen. We finally give up and leave the bar while the entire staff starts laughing at us.

4. The aforementioned bar burned down at 8 in the morning two weeks later.

5. One week in, we went to a cafe/bar called Insomnia. It's a really cool bar with art all along the walls and the overall vibe is very chill. We're sitting there and all the sudden the lights turn out, it literally becomes pitch black. No one says anything, no one leaves, there is no announcement made. The bar continues on as if nothing happened with no mention of the current lights out state. It stayed that way for over an hour.

6. When we first arrived we were introduced to a Phd student who was to look after us. One night he took Ellie and I out for a drink. About 2 drinks in he begins to tell us about how we will be sex trafficked into the Ukraine because "they" already know that we're here. He even showed us his brass knuckles that he uses for protection. Ellie texted me while we were at the table asking "should we trust him?" When we finally got home we were so scared I made Ellie sleep in my room and we tried to buy pepper spray the next day.

7. When I was growing up I thought gypsies were magical people who wore bright colors (Thank you Disney). As I got older I started to think they were crooks, then I went to Romania and saw that while some were very poor and aggressive, others literally build huge silver palaces. I'm more confused than ever.

8. One night while we were out in Romania we met two guys. We exchanged numbers (since I'm American I never give any thought to giving out my number). Apparently in Romania exchanging numbers means you promise to have sex with them. That guy called me and texted me every single day for 3 months. I never answered or responded in any way. He just would not quit. A similar situation occurred with both of my friends. I threw out my Romanian phone but I would imagine he's still calling me.

9. When you first arrive in Romania on a visa you have to get a health check. Well we went to get ours at the University's doctor. The office was ridiculously tiny and dirty, it looked like my garage. I went in, the doctor spoke to me in Romanian and other students were allowed to walk in and out, asking questions, throughout the entire thing. A little awkward when you're not wearing a shirt and you have no idea what they're saying.

10. Stray dogs. I love dogs, I'm what one may call a "dog person." What I don't like are stray dogs that follow you around town in packs. You can't pet them because they have fleas and diseases, and you can't feed them because they're wild but they just walk around with their big puppy eyes looking just like Fido. I was so glad to get home and see dogs with owners, it made my life less confusing.

My 5 worst family vacations

Traveling isn't all peaches and rainbows, sometimes it can be really lame and horrible. It should also be noted that I am very close with my family, but that doesn't mean we do well when vacationing. Here is a list of my 5 worst family trips EVER.

5. Las Vegas/Grand Canyon. When I was just a little gremlin (around 4) my parents thought it would be a good idea to drive us to the Grand Canyon. For those of you who are not up on your geography, the distance between New York to the Grand Canyon is huge, like 3 day drive huge. This was one of the least appropriate trips I have ever been on. Being 4, I obviously didn't appreciate the majestic beauty of the canyon, and I certainly didn't appreciate the humble opulence of Las Vegas when we stayed there the following two nights. I went to see a magic show both nights and then I saw the magician walking around the hotel, I specifically remember feeling so hurt that the magician didn't remember me after I had been so loyal, to this day I think that is why I am emotionally guarded. All in all, I just remember being really hot, passing out in the pool, and being very confused why everything was so dusty.

4. Florida. Being from upstate New York we used to make our yearly pilgrimage to Florida. To this day, the idea of Florida makes me cringe. We used to drive, which meant the obligatory stop at South of the Border and the stay in gross highway motels. It was fun the first few times (The alligator farm is intense) but after a while we realized that we just weren't really "florida people." I'd rather stab myself in the eye while listening to Lady Gaga's opinion on politics than go to Disney world.

3. Atlantic City. Ok I actually like Atlantic city but there is a very good reason that I am including this on the list. It was when I was around 7, and we headed down to Atlantic City as per usual. My mom was running around doing something so my Dad took us to the beach. Now a little about my Dad, he is always paranoid that my sister and I will die at any second (we aren't even allowed to talk loudly by the stairs), so as you can imagine the ocean terrified him. Before my sister and I could even step into the water he told us about rip tides, the sudden drop of the shelf, jellyfish, sharks, and crabs. Being 7, it was another 5 years before I would even walk near a large body of water.

2. Traverse City Michigan. My Dad is from Michigan which pretty much means that if Michigan were to leave the Union, we'd have to be on the front lines defending it's sovereignty. One time we decided to visit some family friends in Michigan which meant a 12 hour drive down nostalgia lane straight to the 1950's. Now I don't know how much anyone knows about Flint Michigan, but essentially it used to be a big deal and now it's in decay. While a tour down memory lane can be nice, it can be a little depressing when every other business is a strip club or a KFC.

1. The Cruise. I fully and completely take the blame for this one. When I was 12 I was sure that we were "cruise people." I had watched roughly a million shows about cruises on the travel channel and convinced my parents that we would have the time of our lives! Well the thing about cruises is:

1. you have to mingle with strangers

2. your room is really small

3. you have to pay for soda

4. you get cabin fever

5. you get sea sick

Us Dennison's need space. We don't really like new people, or old people for that matter (hence the reason I don't even know what my cousins look like) and we certainly don't like paying $5 for a soda.

I am not sure what kind of people like cruises, but I think they may be related to that rare breed that likes bus tours and paying too much for awkward/forced social interaction. I mean sure, the Bahamas were beautiful but we could have flown/stayed there cheaper without the damn boat. At the end of the day it was so bad we all had to laugh, but that was our last family vacation ever.

French playlist

I always make a playlist whenever I head to a new country, it gets me in the mood. Here's my playlist for France:

1. Yelle- Je te veux voir (so good, even better if you understand what she's saying)

2. TTC- Travailler (I guess boys will be boys)

3. MC Solaar- La Belle et Le Bad Boy (Featured on Sex and the City)

4. The Stills- Of Montreal (So what if they're Canadian, they still speak French and that's really what matters)

5. Yelle- Trop Bon pour toi (sassy)

6. Phoenix- 1901 (It's in english but they are from France)

7. TTC- Girlfriends (kinda dirty, super good)

8. Edith Piaf- La vie en rose (always need a classic)

9. Phoenix- Lisztomania

10. Friendly Fires- Paris (British, but whatever)

11. MGMT- Time to Pretend (Well, they say Paris in the song)

12. Edith Piaf- Non je ne regrette rien (what can I say? she's a legend)

13. Brigitte Bardot- moi je joue (the theme song for Miss Dior)

14. Les Miserables- Do you hear the people sing (I love a good war song)

15. Diam- Jeune Demoiselle (throwback to freshmen year french class)

Picking a hostel

As I've mentioned before, hostels and I are in a love/hate relationship. I have stayed at some amazing ones and have had the time of my life but I have also been eaten alive by bedbugs and slept in moldy beds. Throughout the last couple of years, I have become slightly better and picking out the good ones from the bad ones. I still get a rank one every now and then, but c'est la vie.

1. Figure out your comfort zone. Are you slightly high maintenance? Can you be a germaphobe/neatf reak? Can you share a room with the opposite sex? Does the idea of sharing a room with 20 people freak you out? The budget is irrelevant if you get grossed out by that weird moldy smell or that theres a weird boy sleeping next to you: you will be miserable and it won't be worth the few dollars saved. Figure out where you are comfortable and book accordingly.

2. Now that you know you have come to terms with your own comfort level, how much are you willing to spend. As lame as it is, the more you spend, the better the hostel. But fear not, you can still stay at a nice hostel even if you have a strict budget. I have no problem booking a co-ed room with 20 other people which allows me to stay at some nice places. I would recommend a budget of around $20-35 a night in europe, depending on the exchange rate.

3. Read the comments. Ok so you're ok hostels.com or hostelworld or whatever other booker you have decided upon. The picture looks great, the description is fabulous, wow they even have a super fun bar! Not so fast, read the user comments, they are usually spot on and helpful. If someone says they had bedbugs, then they probably did. If someone says the bar was lame, than it probably was. Read them!

4. Decide if you're there to party or to sleep soundly. Some of the funnest hostels I have ever stayed at were specifically designed for young people to party, which basically means, you won't get any sleep. The bar is usually below the hostel so you can hear the party raging all night long. Decide what your intention is before you book.

5. Think about breakfast. Whenever I book I try to find a place with a breakfast. Even if it is a couple bucks more it'll probably end up saving you money. If I could have an IV of coffee in my veins I would, so any place that has free breakfast and coffee is good enough for me and worth the extra $5.

6. Consider other options. If you are traveling alone, you may want to check out couch surfing instead. It's a different experience and it's free. Sometimes you'll even get a free meal out of it (bonus!). If you are part of a bigger group (like 3 or 4 of you) sometimes it's cheaper to book a hotel room and just split the difference. When I stayed in Verona we booked at the Holiday in and it was far cheaper than any other hostel available that night. Or maybe even try your hand at camping. Fact is, you have a ton of options, so explore them.

7. I never book too far in advance. Plans change, you miss your train, you really liked Budapest so you stayed an extra day. Always book in advance, but never too far. I book a day or two before.

8. Location, location, location! Sure this hostel is only $10 a night, but it may very well cost you another $10 just to get into the city center (thank you Munich and Rome) Not to mention, public transportation is limited at night, and no one wants to take a $40 dollar cab ride back to the hostel. When you're staying in or around a city location is key.

9. Age limits. I have stayed in family oriented hostels and boy were they a bitch. Those little gremlins wake up early and can be very loud. You can't come in late at night, and you will be woken up around 7am. I have also stayed in hostels where I've had to share a bunk with 50 year old man. This is also not ideal. Go for hostels targeted towards your age group.

10. Share the wealth. Ok so you stayed at the hostel, you thought it was lame/gross/fun whatever. Go online and review it. Even if you made the mistake of booking something gross, it doesn't mean everyone else had to. Review it and be brutally honest, we're all in this together!

We need to talk about....

Eurotrip. This movie is just OK (Let's be real, the best thing about it is the song). Everytime you go abroad you will meet at least one person who has decided Eurotrip is a travel bible. Granted, I liked the movie. It is enjoyable in the same way American Pie 2 is enjoyable, but that does not mean one should base part of their life trying to recreate it.

That being said, it is a great way to determine whether or a not a person will be "cool" when traveling. If the person in question says she/he hopes to recreate this movie, quotes this movie, or makes any reference to this movie more than once, they are best to be avoided. (i.e. "Yea bro I hope our Eurotrip is as crazy as the movie).

Two case studies that prove my theory:

Case study 1. One kid I know wouldn't shut up about this movie and ended up having a miserable time, because weirdly enough he didn't meet a hot German girl who wanted to blow him in the Vatican. When asked about his trip he literally said, "well it wasn't as good as the movie." As you can imagine, he was a blast.

Case study 2. One kid I spoke to decided to backpack solely because of this movie. He spent his entire first day of his trip at the London Aquarium. I question whether or not he understood the subtle humor of this film.

Ok so now that you can use Eurotrip to gage whether or not a person is dope, here are a few reasons why you don't actually want your "eurotrip" to be be like the movie:

1. They spent the whole day trying to find a nude beach just to discover is was full of old french men. Who then literally chase them down the beach with all their bits n' bobs hanging out.

2. The "wacky dumb one" literally pays to get anally raped by male prostitutes.

3. I don't care how fucked up you are, why would you want to make-out with your twin sister (unless you're on Hugh Hefner's payroll). That's called incest.

4. They get robbed.

5. They only spend 1 day in London.

6. They don't even go to Spain, Switzerland, Austria, Scotland, Ireland, or Prague.

7. When they're in Paris, they spend the entire day waiting in line at the Louvre. I didn't even have to wait in line.

8. One poor bastard gets raped on the train by that weird Italian man.

9. They don't even smoke pot, or have hash brownies in Amsterdam, and isn't that really the entire point?

10. THEY DON'T EVEN EAT PIZZA IN ITALY!!

I mean, to each their own, but that sounds like the worst trip ever to me.

Love abroad

Let's not kid ourselves here, most girls travel/study in Europe to meet some handsome Italian man named Vincenzo who will sweep them off their feet with wine and pizza. Eventually the two of them will throw caution to the wind and get married despite all odds (love knows no borders). I think they end up owning a vineyard and/or a quaint little bookstore in Tuscan village too...am I wrong? (ed. note: I have no idea why boys travel)

So in honor of this here is a list of all my/my friends fabulous European men (not one was named Vincenzo, and I don't see the vineyard in any of our futures).

1. Anthony from Ireland- We ate fried chicken and listened to Puddle of Mud together at 3AM, PLUS he was there the night we met Harry Potter and let me call my sister long distance on his phone. I genuinely didn't even care that he had a hemp necklace or a thumb ring!! He also took all of us to Robert's cove and dared us to go swimming in the 50 degree water. Who says romance is dead!

2. Pierre- Pierre said he was french, but I kinda think he was full of shit. Either way he said that he would make out with his buddy if I'd give him a kiss. If that's not the best pick-up line ever, I don't know what is. (p.s. he did)

3. Some Swiss guy. This is why I had to add my friend's conquests as well. This guy couldn't speak a lick of english so he and my friend had to draw pictures and play charades all night, until they got over it and just ended up making-out to techno music. Language is nothing.

4. Luc- Me and Alissa met Luc in Rome at the beach. We were splashing around and he came to play catch with us and ask us questions about Michigan. We never saw him again but he was without a doubt the best looking boy I have ever seen.

5. Anil- I actually thought his name was Neil until about 5 minutes ago when I looked him up on facebook. He and my friend talked about swords and pretended they were boyfriend/girlfriend for two days. Thats the best part about meeting abroad. You can play pretend (you can even get mad when they hit on someone else at the bar) and then you never have to see them again. They even took pictures together in front of major tourist attractions. AWWWWW

6. Some Italian guy whose name I don't remember- He said corny shit like your "eyes are as beautiful as the ocean," he also told me his watch was waterproof. He barely spoke English and wore a faded jean jacket. Oh right and he was 38.

7. Two German boys- Me and my friend both had one, until they started grinding together at the club. Buzz kill.

8. Tom- I met Tom on the train, we couldn't sleep because a gypsy was outside our cabin window so we just passed notes all night. Then he let all of us crash at his place in London even though we were dirty and smelly. We're still friends.

9. Irish kid- My friend and I met this faggle in Prague. He was a total creep but he took us to some fabulous bars so we pretended he wasn't. At the end of the night he just latched on to my friends neck like he fed off blood. Not cute.

10. Dan and Kev- These two were mad chill and they "dated" both my friends in Ireland. They took us to a lot of cool places and bought as beer. We told dead baby jokes and made them quit their real lives in order to hang out with us. We met back up with them in Scotland the following year but by then we were all out of dead baby jokes.

There are actually a ton more, because more likely than not you will fall in love in every single new country you go to. That's the point. You can also pretend that it's really serious and heavy and then leave before you both find out how boring and issue riddled each of you are. As for boys, I have literally never seen an American boy score with a European girl. Try another continent, or just stick with Canadians.

An idea...

Since jetting off to Paris on a moments notice is pretty much cost prohibitive and sitting at home watching repeats of Hoarders can get boring (well not to me)...here's an idea:

The weather was really nice here in London on Saturday. I was hanging out with a friend of mine and we had to decide between going into central London or wandering around the Southwest (where I live). While I love central London, I've seen most of it, so we opted for just wandering around the SW until we hit the next little town to see what kind of trouble we could get in to.

This is easily one of the best ideas ever because 1. discovering a new cute pub is fabulous. 2. you can pretend you're an explorer 3. it's doing something new.

We had an absolute blast getting lost, eating fries, and pub hopping in this town, and it was far cheaper than doing the whole London thing, we didn't even have to take the underground. So my recommendation to you is, go get lost in your own area. Discover your town and try that shitty little diner/bar/store. You don't have to fly to Rome to travel.

Dear Diary

Not to get all Doug Funnie on you, but I'm about to preach the necessity of the journal.

When you are traveling, so much cool/weird/annoying/intense shit will happen to you, it'll be impossible to remember it all. You may hear a song that you absolutely become obsessed with (thank you Scouting for Girls) or you might see something ridiculous. You may have an "oh my god this amazing" moment that you'll want to remember for the rest of your life. The point being, write all of that shit down!!

When I first went to Ireland I thought journals were gay (just to be clear that's me mocking my lame naive middle-school self, not mocking the homosexual population). Who is so self-involved that they actually feel compelled to write down their own thoughts just read them over again, and again. That was until a week before I left Ireland and I was already forgetting about the super fun shit I had just done, cue me actually copying my friends journals and then adding my own thoughts/feelings/narration.

Now I don't leave my hometown without my journal. I even pack it in my carry-on just in case the airport loses my luggage. No matter what you do/where you go, you're going to want to remember it when you are old and your life is all about watching Shrek with your annoying spawn. So write it down, maybe you'll turn it into your own self-serving travel blog!!

ed. note: I bought a leather journal so that people would think I was deep and mysterious.

Being pretentious...

To be honest, I am naturally always on the boarder of being a complete asshole. I can literally feel the urge to be a dick bubbling under my skin at all times. This makes me a prime candidate for becoming a pretentious twat about traveling. But despite how easy it is to get sucked into this, you must do everything possible to resist, and here's why:

1. Traveling is a hobby. Do you know anyone with a sticker collection? No probably not because they probably don't talk about it, because it's a stupid hobby. You know what else is a hobby? Traveling. In fact all you're doing when your traveling is killing time, much like your friend Robert who collects stickers. Since he isn't buying billboard space to brag about it, you shouldn't either.

2. Traveling is a luxury, aka it costs a lot of money, so while you are telling everyone about that fabulous Grecian resort you stayed in there are children starving to death in less luxurious places, you careless asshole.

3. Oh my god, you know that funny story about that time on that train going to that place? Yay! super funny, to you and you only. Bragging about it doesn't make anyone think you are cool and funny, it only makes you think you are cooler and funnier than you actually are.

4. Did you see "Eat, Pray, Love?" How awful was that? That is what happens when travelers become pretentious. Gag!

5. You run the risk of hearing all about their super fun trip to Disneyworld. You had a handcrafted beer in Germany? Well thats nothing to the 50 different beers they had at the Epcot center!!! And guess who the bartender was? That's right! Mickey Mouse, dressed up as an authentic German! Boy was it wild! Come inside and I'll show you the slideshow we made!

Exactly, the only other people who love to talk about their travels as much as you are people who own a timeshare in Orlando.

We have a lot in common....

Hostel Etiquette

I hate to share. I hate to share my clothes, my money, my toys, and my space which is why I have such a love/hate relationship with hostels. When you are sharing a room with 20 other people, there is a high probability that someone will annoy you. If you ever find yourself in a hostel follow these rules so that people won't want to beat the shit out of you.

1. Yea obviously you want to have a good time and party. Being out til dawn is a much better story than being in at 9pm and while everyone respects your right to party, you don't need to be an asshole about it. If you come back to your hostel later than midnight don't make a production out if. Whispering loudly to your friend about that hot Persian guy as you frantically look for your toothbrush that you conveniently carry in a plastic bag is not the best way to make friends. Come in quietly and don't make a scene. Some people have to wake up early Princess!

2. On the other hand there are those rare creatures who like to hit the hay at 8PM, turning off the dorm lights and getting all ready for beddy bye. If you are a grown person, you have no business going to bed at 8 AND turning off the light. You wouldn't go 30mph on the highway would you? exactly: game, set, match.

3. Pregaming, a sacred tradition for undergrads and party animals worldwide. Who doesn't like a few good drinks before a night out? I have no problem with this, but what I do have a problem with is your playlist. Not everyone LOVES Lady Gaga, and not everyone wants to listen to you and Becky screaming RA-RA-OHH-LA-LA as you down cheap wine. Eat, drink, and be merry....but keep your shitty music in your headphones please and thank you.

4. Showers. Now if there are several showers, then don't worry about it and take your time and enjoy, but if there is only 1 shower per 20 people, maybe not spend an hour lathering, rinsing, and repeating. We all enjoy cleanliness, so share the wealth.

5. Ignoring your alarm. So you had every intention of waking up at 8AM, but you and the boys got a little carried away last night and now it's already 9AM and your alarm is still going off, much to the chagrin of the entire dorm. If you set it, you better not forget it!!

6. I understand when you do need to wake up early and I am so proud that you turned off your alarm right away. What I am not so keen on is that now you are talking loudly to your buddy about who is going to carry the shampoo and what time your train leaves. Should you have breakfast before you go? I don't know and I don't care. Just because you are overly ambitious and began your day at 6AM doesn't mean anyone else has. Indoor voices until 10AM Please and thank you!

7. Stealing beds. This is absolutely the worst. So you got in late that day and all the good beds are taken. You and Jessica wanted to share a bunk, it's not fair that you couldn't find the hostel! Well, I understand that you would prefer to share a bunk with your friend than some random Canadian but sometimes that is not always possible, so get over it. Moving someone's stuff is the biggest "no-no" in hostel living. If you do it, you deserve any and all repercussions.

8. Snoring. Just don't. If you are a snorer pay the extra ten bucks for a private room. All the dirty looks you'll avoid the next morning make the extra cost totally worth it.

9. Using the hostel computer to stalk your 5th grade boyfriend's new girlfriend. This obviously isn't a problem when a hostel has several computers, but when there is just one, don't hog it surfing the web and watching youtube videos. It is totally declasse

10. And finally....Sex. not in a room full of 20 other people you perv. That's what club bathrooms are for.

10 weird things...

that have happened to me abroad.

10.I got robbed by a boy who literally looked like a pickle. Picture a pickle, now picture the pickle wearing bad clothes and coming from Pennsylvania. If you ever see him in real life ask him for my 350 Euro back!

9. I found a wild hedgehog in Prague (no it wasn't Sonic) just lazily napping in the middle of the street. I picked him up out of the road at 3am and led him to safety. It's not often you get to be heroic at 3am in a foreign country.

8. I went to a private party for a bunch of high schoolers in Italy. We met the DJ and got free bottle service. I love free things, high schoolers and Italians....sick deal.

7. I got to hear someone say (in complete seriousness) the sentence "I lost my virginity to someone I believe is guilty of murder." To this day, one of the best sentences I have ever heard.

6. I was asked what "popular people were like" To this day, one of the best questions I have ever heard.

5. I got publicly molested in the middle of the day in the city center of Nice. I mean sure I felt violated, but it is a great conversation piece/hilarious memory so I won't complain.

4. I swung dance to African Music in a Czech Republic dive bar made completely out of car parts. Thank god I paid attention in 4th grade gym class.

3. I met Daniel Radcliffe at a pub in Cork, Ireland. He was just hanging out and was completely ok with the fact that I came up to him looking like a crazed meth addict trying to shake his hand. If that's not a trooper, than I don't know what is.

2. I saw a gypsy family beat the shit out of each other in my train cabin while their dog ran around and sat on everybody's lap. I mean, on occasion, I have been known to make a situation awkward but beating your wife is definitely the best way to make everyone in a room feel extremely uncomfortable. Are you supposed to look away? Step in? Pick a side? I guess bitches just best behave....

1. Having a strange man lick my friends neck and give her free hash. I didn't even know people still smoked hash! weird!

All the more reason to leave your comfort zone!

I'm not gonna lie...

But when I'm vacation I lie all the time. Not big lies, or lies that are intended to hurt people, that would make me an asshole, just fun little lies. One of the best things about being in a foreign country where no one knows you and never really will know you is that you can completely manufacture a new identity. It's like playing a darker version of pretend.

For instance....

When we were backpacking in Nice, my lovely friend was chatting up an Aussie. He was about 25 and mid-snog, my friend told him she was really 16. Boy was his face priceless.

I always give out fake names and fake schools. Sometimes I do it to sound more impressive and sometimes I do it to sound like a loser, depending on the mood I'm in. The point is, you're on vacation, you can recreate your own reality and none of your new french friends will ever know!!

Bonus points if you get them to believe it even after you're facebook friends.

The language barrier

Not to be an asshole but anywhere you go, at least someone will speak English, but that doesn't give you license to be rude. No matter what country you go to, you should know how to say at least a few words in that nation's native language. It's polite, and people will respect that. Now obviously you don't have to be fluent or even coherent, you just have to show that you've made the effort and you respect their country. The 6 biggies in any language are...

1. Yes

2. No

3. Please

4. Thank you

5. Excuse me

6. Hello

It sounds politically correct and pointless, but as a general rule, people will be nicer to you if you don't come at them with a "yo man what's good?"

America Sucks!

Well I don't think so, but if you're traveling you will probably come across a fair amount of anti-american sentiment. People don't really like us for several reasons, but don't be alarmed just avoid a few common American-esq traits and you should be fine.

1. For the love of god, don't fucking talk about politics- It's so easy to fall into this, mainly because people will ask you "oh what do you think about healthcare/the war/ george bush..." This is pretty much a trap, one that should be avoided at all times. You will not win, you will not look good, and it's always best just to brush it off and move on to lighter topics, like Britney Spears. I once got into a screaming match with an Australian about 9/11, can you imagine a bigger bummer? Exactly!

2. Never say "It's not like this in America..." Well duh. You aren't in America which means, sometimes you will have to pay for public restrooms, sometimes waiters will be dicks because their pay is not based on tips, and sometimes stores close ridiculously early. Everything in America is made to be easy, it quite possibly may be the most convenient country in the entire world, but you didn't spend a couple grand to go to see the wal-marts of the world so just go with the flow and relax.

3. Don't drape yourself in the flag. When I was backpacking I met a kid from Kansas named Beau (no joke) and he LOOOOOOOVED America, to the extent that he believed it made him super special and important. He literally thumped his passport like it was the Bible. Needless to say, no one liked him and he came across as being a big dumb asshole. Just like no one wants to hear Jessica talk about her awesome new boyfriend, no one wants to hear you talk about how awesome America is.

4. Talking loud. We talk loud, we are just a very loud people. Even quiet Americans are loud compared to almost any other nationality. Be aware of this and bring it down a couple levels. Use your indoor voice at all times.

5. Drinking. Yes we love to drink. Unfortunately we really love to binge drink and while binge drinking is socially acceptable on any college campus in the states, it's less acceptable overseas. As one Swiss I guy I met so diplomatically put it...."it's not charming."

When I was in Ireland a 12 year old boy came up to me on the bus and said "I hate your president." When I was backpacking a guy from Luxembourg asked in disgust "Why do you even like America?" and when I worked in a peace organization in Romania I had my boss say he "understood where Al Qaeda was coming from." The point is, you are going to get a lot of this, the trick is to let it roll off your back and not take it too seriously. Getting offended or angry only ruins your day, not theirs, so just block it out and enjoy yourself. Your there to have fun, not to defend the honor of Lady Liberty, that tough old broad can handle herself.

Someone has to say it!

This kind of travel writing sucks.....

Top 5 favorite drinks I've had abroad....

How can I only choose 5? Well because I usually don't remember the rest...

Here are my favorites that I do remember...

5. Ursus- Cluj-Napoca Romania. I had to walk by this brewery everyday in Romania and it always smelled awful, but I must say Ursus is really crisp and surprisingly strong. Two bottles and i was a goner.

4. Paulaner Salvator Doppel Bock- Munich, Germany. This was the first beer I had that I actually LOVED the taste of right away. It doesn't hurt that I went to a SUNY school so I was used to keystone, but this beer is sweet rich and amazing.

3. Hot Whiskey- Robert's Cove, Ireland. I'm a whiskey girl at heart, but even more so when it's served warm, with lemon, cloves and brown sugar.

2. Tuica- Anywhere, Romania. Has to be homemade and shared though, just like moonshine. The first time I thought it was poison. One shot (that I sipped over the course of an hour) and I was done. I liked it so much I snuck some back home in water bottles.

1. Beamish- Cork County, Ireland. Not sure if it was the taste or the ritual with this one, but I think I will always think fondly of it. Fuck Guinness.

Romania

I haven't really discussed my time in Romania on this blog, despite the fact it is where I've stayed the longest (5 months). But there is a reason for that...Romania is not a great touristy nation (ok besides that whole Dracula thing). The thing that makes Romania amazing is the people, subsequently, staying in a tacky hotel and driving to Bran Castle for a week would most likely suck. I think most countries are like Romania in that they don't have fabulous tourist attractions (the Colosseum can't be everywhere) but there is something very organic and good about them that makes them thoroughly enjoyable, if you're invited in. If you do happen to visit Romania, or a country like Romania, go out and get involved. Meet as many people as possible and pray to god they offer to cook for you!!!

Some of my favorite Romanian memories are....

Hotels

I've stayed in plenty of hotels in my life, due primarily to the fact that my entire family has personal space issues making it impossible for us to stay in other people's homes.

I have stayed in amazing casinos (Thank you Donald Trump), The famous Plaza hotel (Thank you Mom and Dad), and even shitty red roof inns of the highway (No thank you Mom and Dad).

Basically, I've had a wide range of hotel experiences, enough to know what's good, what's bad, and what's the best. For this reason I just really want to give a shout out to the best hotel it has ever been my pleasure to stay in. The best 3 nights of my life. The room was beautiful, the service was fantastic, and I still dream about the breakfast. Please do yourself a favor and check out (or check in to) the Hayfield Manor in Cork, Ireland. Literally, so good that me and my future phantom husband will have to get married there.

Check them out here: http://www.hayfieldmanor.ie/

camping

I get it, camping is so charming. Man meets nature. Plus what is nicer than a bonfire and beer with friends?

Right well, I cannot stand camping. My only two requirements for happiness are 1. a shower and 2. a bed, neither of which are part of the whole camping experience.

That being said, I have and will camp. It's rustic, cheap, and part of the whole experience.

If you are backpacking, I highly recommend camping at least once, for no other reason but the bragging rights you will receive.

It's pretty cool to say "oh yes, the time I camped in Scotland..."

It's a great icebreaker and it makes you sound legit. So camp, prepare for rain, and make sure you bring enough blankets, booze, and food to make the trip worthwhile.

Backpacking style

ummm yeah about that, there's no such thing. I have to say that the entire time that I backpacked I look liked shit, I probably smelled pretty bad too. I literally had one pair of pants that started to get moldy. Not too cute.

That being said, what to pack, what to wear?

When you can't bring a ton of stuff, i.e. you have to carry it, only bring the essentials. Trying to look cute is about as pointless as counting the angels on the head of a pin.

If you are going in the summer, bring dresses. You can roll them up without too much hassle, they don't take up much room, and you can dress them up or dress them down. My personal favorite was a cotton black dress I got at forever 21 for $10 dollars, I wore that thing religiously.

T-shirts are also key. Cotton, Hanes, these are simply a dream.

The one good thing about Europe is that leggings are everywhere so you won't look like a total asshole if you wear them. They are lightweight and easy to wash/dry. Bring as many as you can fit.

Obviously, at least one pair of jeans. You will look like a total American, but that is what you are so get over it.

Footwear is probably the most important. I am stupid, so my choice of footwear was a pair of black moccasins I bought from urban outfitters. They practically disintegrated by the time I touched down in JFK. I personally despise sneakers. I hate them with a passion but if I were to do it all again I'd bring a pair of Pumas and then a pair of black flip-flops.

Don't worry about pajama's, you can/will sleep in anything.

Bring a sweater, with a hood (rain is only charming in movies), and limit accessories to your favorite necklace and a scarf. Bangles are not conducive to backpacking.

We met one girl along the way who literally packed the equivalent of my entire wardrobe. She even pulled out a hair straightener AND a blowdryer like it was no big deal. Not to mention her hefty makeup case and hair products would have made Marie Osmond blush. Now she was nice girl, but I immediately wrote her off as not being hardcore enough. Like when you're 16 and you first go to warped tour and you see some priss wearing heels. Exactly. the dirtier and grimier you are when backpacking, the better. It's called street cred.

Anecdote

After my backpacking trip I went back to SUNY Cortland for my senior year. I was talking to some dumb joke, i mean jock, at a bar and this was the conversation we had...

Him: oh so you like to travel

Me: Yea do you?

Him: Yea totally, I want to backpack through Europe

Me: Cool, I just did that this summer

Him: No, I mean with a backpack

Me: Yea I got that

Him: No, like riding trains and staying in hostels

Me: wow that's so brave

Him: yea, I know

American boys, specifically those from Long Island, can be lame...all the more reason to travel and meet some Italian Adonis who can't speak English.

Can we please...

Talk about the Jumbo Hostel in Stockholm Sweden.

I absolutely hate hate hate planes, but I would make an exception for this former plane current hostel.

Rumor has it, you can book a dorm bed for about $45 a night. Sort of expensive for a hostel but I suppose the novelty of it all is worth the extra $$$.

So who wants to go to Stockholm??

Being cheap

Ok if it isn't already clear by now, I am the cheapest traveler on the planet. I hate spending money to wait in line and subsequently I sit outside of major tourist attractions waiting for my friends on a fairly regular basis.

Of course there are always exceptions, so here are the 3 things I am glad I have paid for. They were worth the money and even the lines.

1. The Louvre- The Louvre was absolutely amazing, you can literally get lost in it and wander around for hours. I had been reading about it since 6th grade french class and it was well worth the wait. Realizing that the Mona Lisa is bullshit is priceless. We were there for about three hours and saw maybe 10% of it. Not only was the admission worth it once, I would pay to go again.

2. Zip-lining in the alps- This was the most expensive "activity" I've ever paid for while traveling (I think it cost around 50 Euro, not including the train ride from Interlaken) but it was prime. It should be noted that I am terrified of heights and I still loved it. The ride up the mountain was beautiful and the zip down was incredibly awesome. I could do without the getting weighed in public however.

3. Blarney Stone- Surprisingly enough I actually loved kissing the Blarney Stone. The entrance fee was 10 Euro and the line took forever but you got to hang out in an old castle so it wasn't too bad. The actual kissing of the stone was terrifying but another small price to pay for the gift of gab. Rumor is the locals pee on it at night so maybe skip it if you are a germaphobe.

In the name of Halloween

So over here in London they just don't do Halloween exactly right and I am feeling a little bummed about it. So in honor of Halloween (and travel) I am going to head to the Tower of London sometime in the next week to see if I can find a ghost, specifically the ghost of Anne Boleyn. She was the original bitch and apparently she is still around. I feel like we are destined to meet.

But since October is obviously not high tourist season, check out these creepy places in the good ol' U. S. of A.

1. Gettysburg Battlefield, Gettysburg, Pennsylvania - Over ten thousand men died in the battle of Gettysburg. Located in Pennsylvania, the battlefield is now a national historical site. My Dad drove through Gettysburg in the middle of a blizzard and swears he felt something.

2. The Stanley Hotel, Estes Park, Colorado - Stephen King wrote The Shining based on this place. CREEEPY

3. Eastern State Penitentiary, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania- Lots of people die in jails, and they stick around.

4. The Winchester Mystery house, San Jose, California- Mental illness, money, guns, and ghosts...can't go wrong

5. Lizzie Borden Bed and Breakfast, Fall River, Massachusetts- Lizzie Borden took an axe And gave her mother forty whacks When she saw what she had done She gave her father forty-one.

Food

Food is a big deal to me. I love food, I literally will eat anything (courtesy of Erin Dennison who fed me dog shit when I was 5). But eating and getting the taste of a country when you are on a 20 Euro-a-day budget can be difficult. Difficult but not impossible!

Breakfast, the most important meal of the day. Don't skip it if you are traveling, you will be walking around 10kms that day and you need your energy or else you will be in a bad mood and nobody will like you. Try and stay in hostels that serve free or cheap breakfast and stock up. You will get free coffee, carbs, and if you are lucky even some protein. These hostels usually cost a couple bucks more but it is so worth it. Especially if you are hung over from the night before. If your hostel does not serve breakfast, buy a carb at a local shop and get your coffee from McDonalds. It's cheap coffee, and if you're in Europe, it is often one of the few places with take away cups. Follow this and you can easily eat for about 3 Euro.

Lunch, this one is easy. You will be running around like crazy all day, trying to see as much as possible. You may be tempted to have a big sit down lunch but don't. Grab some street food, or head into a local shop. To this day, one of the best meals I ever had was marinara sauce, bread and cheese. We just dipped the bread and cheese into the sauce and went to town, I think in total it cost me 2 Euro. You will obviously need to sit, so head to a park if its nice out, or eat back at your hostel, most have kitchens.

Dinner. Ok so its the end of a long day, and you will probably want some drinks later on, so don't skip dinner. I like to spend my money here. Do yourself a favor and don't eat by a tourist attraction, the price will probably be double. Go down a smaller street, or ask a local...it'll save you a ton of money in the long run. I had a meal in venice. It was straight off the canal and it cost me 10 euro. I had a better meal about half a km away for about 4 euro the next day. If you are in a non-english speaking country and the menu or the signage is in English....run away.

I got this heart attack in Budapest for 3 Euro. I'm still full.