Egypt

The situation with Egypt has been getting intense. I love a good revolution because theres nothing better than the people of a nation saying "We're not gonna take it" to a corrupt government. I haven't been this excited since the protests in Iran. Anyway, if you want to follow what's going on follow it on Al Jazeera's live blog.

How to be in grad school...

I had all month off from my grueling academic schedule. Tomorrow I go back to learn about style, structure, and how to make millions of dollars through the written word. After a full semester I know have the whole grad school thing down to a science. So here's how you do it:

10. Never just say that you're JUST a student, god you wouldn't want someone to think you were undergrad. Been there, done that. Throw around the term "Masters" as much as possible. You are training to become a master of something, even though you are still incredibly clueless.

9. Stay away from the undergrads. It's sort of like a caste system. You should only eat in the postgrad cafeteria, don't talk to those young, naive, children running around from class to class. You are above that now. so what if most of them are your age? if not older? maturity wise, you are years beyond them

8. Don't do any work ever. When I was an undergrad I hustled hard. I was busy pretty much 24/7 with clubs, campus activities, class, drinking. Now, I only have class two times a week which means I do a lot of not studying. But As a grad student, like as a CEO, you deserve to do nothing at all.

7. Even though you literally never have work to do, make sure you seem very busy and stressed about everything you have to do. When someone asks how you are say something like "ughhh gradschool is killing me!" It's not, but they don't need to know that. It's like being on a secret vacation.

6. Drink more than you did in college. When I was doing my undergrad, I went out about 1 night a week. It was usually Friday and I was usually back by 2:30 AM at the latest. Now, I go out more often, because I can and when I do go out, I'm usually not back til 4 AM. I think this has to do with all that goddamn free time, but I tell people it's because I'm so stressed from all the hard work I'm doing.

5. Eventually you'll get bored enough that you'll start giving yourself chores and tasks to do. Hence this blog, hence the 3 news sites I read a day, hence my book a week rule. You need intellectual stimulation, but you also try and sneak it so no one calls you out on the fact that you're not doing enough in school.

4. When you get together with your grad school friends, begin by talking about books and current events, then realize you're all in the same boat and you're all faking and start talking what you really want to talk about, sex, celebrities, and movies.

3. Feel bad that your flatmates come back after a long day of work. You literally did nothing but read a little bit, take a walk, and buy a sandwich. Start to wonder what it feels like to actually be exhausted.

2. On the two days a week that you have class, come home all tired and bitchy just to fit in with your exhausted flatmates.

1. Finally realize that you won't live this lifestyle again until you're retired and enjoy the hell out of it without an ounce of guilt.

Flu-zy

Well I tried to blog on Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday but it turns out that I am not witty, charming, or any fun when I'm high on cough syrup and flu medicine. In fact, I'm just a hot mess. There was a bright side though, through my Nyquil haze, I learned quite a few things while I was sick. Now that my fever has finally left the building it's time to get back on the grind and share with you my new epiphanies:

10. Everyone should get married, unless they are very very rich. Everybody should get married so that someone is legally required to take care of them even when their head is melting, unless they are very rich then they should look into hiring a live in maid and/or butler. All week I couldn't help but think, damn this would be so much more enjoyable if someone would make my soup for me. Hopefully I'll be rich or hitched next time I come down with the flu.

9. Life would be easier if they had they same medicine here in London as back home. I want Tylenol PM, it doesn't exist here, it's called Paracetamol, which is really easy to remember when you're half-conscious.

8. I'm very protective over Charlie Sheen. Not in the "oh I hope he gets better and sorts out his life" way, but in the "Leave him, his briefcase full of cocaine, and his house full of hookers alone." I was actually upset that they made him go to rehab which subsequently means Two and a Half Men has just gone on hiatus. Leave the man be.

7. The internet actually does get boring. After 3 days of not leaving the house and being forced to surf the web non-stop, I actually ran out of things to google. There are only so many times you can compare Kim Kardashian before and after her plastic surgery. Maybe if I was a 13 year old boy I could have kept busy, but I really didn't have any interest in porn or World of Warcraft.

6. Flu medicine and alcohol should never be mixed. On Saturday I was feeling better so I went out to meet a friend. I had some wine and I got absolutely wasted in about 5 seconds. The next day I woke up re-sick and hungover. It was an awesome feeling that forced me into the fetal position for an entire afternoon.

5. Makeup only does so much. I didn't wear anything for a few days and it was mess to behold. Then on Saturday I got dolled up. I double checked right before I left and I looked amazingly similar to those goth kids that hung outside of Hot Topic circa 1998. As you can imagine, between that and my whopping cough, the boys were lining up.

4. In England, they play the exact same Everybody Love Raymond episode about 4 times a day on Comedy Central. On Thursday I watched it all 4 times. But it's ok, it was the one where Ray and Debra fought about the new can opener. So good.

3. Soup in England needs more salt. Back home we like our salt, no scratch that, we LOVEEE our salt. I like my soup to taste like the Dead Sea, anything less and it's just a little too bland for me. Needless to say, the soup over here required heaps and heaps of rock salt.

2. The revolution in Egypt is way more exciting than the Jersey Shore. Fight the power!!!

1. You're not sick anymore when you start craving Pad Thai

Sick Day...

Sick day's used to be the coolest. They meant that you got to skip homeroom and math class and you got to sleep in past 10 on a Tuesday. The best was when you knew that a cold was coming on so you could also skip doing your homework. You had the TV all day to yourself and your mother would wait on you hand in foot, bringing you soup. The next day when you came back to school, rested and refreshed, you'd be welcomed with hugs and well wishes. It was like coming back from war, except really you were just coming back from an all day Golden Girls marathon and turning your mother into a servant.

Fortunately, I never really got sick growing up. I had a bad case of chicken pox when I was about two, but I can't really remember it so I'm not sure if it really counts. My general good health is the result of me eating dirt, dog poop, leaves, and pretty much everything else bad for you when I was a kid, which subsequently made me immune to almost everything under the sun. It's my theory that those weird germaphobes who constantly slather on antibacterial get sicker, more often. I'm sorry but I do get some sick pleasure out of seeing those antibacterial freaks with a cold.

Sadly, despite my hard work trying to increase my immunity to all germs and viruses, today I'm sick. I'm sitting in front of the fire, in my dad's sweater wishing my Mom would fly to London to bring me Won-Ton soup and some orange juice.

Since I usually have the flat/tv to myself on a daily basis I get to watch Everyone Loves Raymond all day anyway. The only thing that really changes is now I probably won't be taking my daily walk and no one is contractually obligated to bring me soup or my favorite blanket. So here I sit, curled up like a dumb baby wishing and praying that the kitchen was closer. Long story short, being sick rocks when your 13, but this shit is lame at 22.

Mexico

London is obviously a fairly big metropolis, one where you can get pretty much whatever you want when you want it. You want 24/7 alcohol? done. Curry? done. There are literally KFCs and Subways EVERYWHERE! But Mexican food? ummm not so much. I mean there isn't even a Tacobell!

There are obviously a lot of great things about America, but honestly, one of the things I miss the most is good mexican food. London's best Mexican is Chipotle which is saying a lot.

Well, since I, and my fellow ex-pats, were literally dying from mexican deprivation, we googled mexican restaurants in the SW of London, and we luckily found one right in Kingston.

The joint was incredibly tiny and painted like the desert and only had one man, who was actually Mexican (the guy who works at the burrito stand in Putney is Asian) working there. The joint was so small in fact that throughout the meal he sat at the table next to us reading the paper.

Anyway I digress, we ordered margaritas, nachos ranchero, tacos and then more margaritas, and let me tell you, it was legend.

The food was amazing, the owner/chef/bartender/waiter was too cute for words, and the margaritas were strong.

The only downside was the bill, but hey whats 27 quid for a taste of home. The food was so good it made you wonder why you disliked illegal immigration in the first place.

So if you're in Kingston and you're craving nachos like cray-cray check out Chez Halee.

Question:

Is anyone else excited that Christina is the new Lindsay?

Not a girl, not yet a...

So according to Gavin Mcinnes and his followers, for a boy to become a man he needs to 1. get beat up 2. beat someone up 3. break someone's heart 4. get your heart broken. I have to say I pretty much agree with this, mainly because if Gavin says it, it must be true. But it got me thinking, what about girls. How do we know when we are adults? I'm not completely sure on this one because I am about 5 years away from becoming a real person but this is my prediction. (Keep in mind, I could be completely off base here and the true key to growing up may very well be a baby, husband and a minivan. I guess I'll have write to Cosmo to find the true answer.)

5. Live alone. I know a lot of girls who live with their parents until Mr. Right comes along and then they move in with him and his shitty Ikea furniture. Right now I'm living with roommates and I love them to death, but at some point every girl has to pull a Carrie Bradshaw and live on their own. You learn how to use tools, how to pay your bills, and how to decorate. It's not like you took Home-Ec for nothing.

4. Go to a movie by yourself. Girls are slightly more worried about appearances than boys. That's why it's more important for us to do stuff alone. Travel, go out to eat, see a movie alone. When your alone you learn how to enjoy yourself without the help of others. I think that's called independence or something?

3. Move to a new city. It's my personal belief that when you're young, you should be uncomfortable and unsure pretty much all the time. If you're bored, nothing has changed in the last 5 years, and you are in your twenty's get on that and move to a new city. Shake it up a little bit, you're too young to be bored, and by the time you hit 35, your husband/high school boyfriend will probably be cheating on you while you're popping more Xanex than a SoCal housewife and that whole quiet desperation thing is totally played out.

2. Have a pet. Pet's are like cuter, temporary children. It gives you responsibility without too many consequences. If you kill a cat you can just go bury it in your backyard, but if you kill your baby you're pretty much screwed and looking at 25 to life.

1. Learn how to throw a punch. I have a friend who got assaulted while walking home one night. Like a real woman she beat the shit out of him with an umbrella until he scurried away with his tail between his legs and his balls on the ground. Not only did she get an excellent story out of it, now she knows that she can take care of herself and that she can take a punch without breaking down like a little bitch. That being said, I really hope no one punches me, it looks painful.

Best in show...

Sorry I have once again ignoring my blogging duties. I have just been so swamped, and by so swamped I mean watching TV and eating sandwiches. Now don't get me wrong, I love politics, I read on the daily, music is fabulous but at the end of the day, trashy TV is where my heart belongs.

I actually consider myself to be quite the TV snob. If you watch the Bachelor or DWTS, I immediately write you off as being a loser. Trash television is an art, and like with any art, it requires some creativity, and there is just nothing creative about American Idol. So what are the best shows on Television?

10. 17, no wait 18? kids and counting- This show is legend. The episode when they go to the creationism museum is excellent. This show has everything a girl could ask for: mullets, crazy religious beliefs, a litter of children, and the interviewers sarcasm. They color code their children and they don't have computers to protect their children from the dangers of porn.

9. Hoarders- The first time I watched Hoarders it was like love at first sight. I became completely obsessed. The grosser the better, like the ones who turn an entire room into a toilet, SCORE!

8. Toddlers in Tiaras- My flatmate actually hates when I watch this show. I get it, I know it's gross and that it's creepy. I get that the parents are horrible and that the little girls will all end up with eating disorders and/or prozac addictions. Or maybe even another Jean-Bennet. That may be disturbing to some, but to any TV snob, it's TV gold. And remember: Sprinkle kisses win crowns.

7. Jersey Shore- This show makes me feel nostalgic for college. I love guidos, binge drinking, long island accents, and J-wowws very fake boobs. Ed. note: You're a lesbian if you don't have a crush on Vinny.

6. Keeping up with the Kardashians- This show is horrible and Kim is only famous for being peed on by Brandy's younger brother, but I've never turned down a chance to catch up with Kim, Kourt, Klohe and their crazy antics.

5. Animal Hoarders- Like I said, I love hoarders, it is such a good show, but sometimes it's just not gross and disturbing enough. I mean "organized hoarders?" YAWWWWN. That's why I love animal hoarders. Janice lives in a trailer and has 97 dogs? Count me in....ooh Allison has 16 cats and isn't sure why she's single? Even better. One woman had her children taken away, but she didn't care because she still had Fido and his 67 siblings. You have to be crazy to be a hoarder, you have to be bat-shit crazy to be an animal hoarder.

4. Intervention- This show is great because it wins awards and sometimes people pretend it is not absolute trash. I mean, taking advantage of people with fatal addictions for broadcast gain? That's my cup of tea. My personal favorites are the meth heads and those with eating disorders. Pill heads are boring because they just lay on the couch throughout the entire episode. Alcoholics are pretty decent too. And to think, they all started out as smiling, kind, babies.

3. Married to Rock- This show is relatively new so I'm not completely sure how I feel about it, but it did make me jealous of those with big fake hair and fake boobs, they both cover a multitude of sins. It also made me realize that I should probably act a little dumber next time I go to a rock show. Maybe he'll see me in the crowd, have one of his assistants to invite me back, fall in love, marry me, then I can be on TV too. What's a little VD in the name of Rock N' Roll.

2. Kell on Earth- Kelly Cutrone is my idol, which means her show is basically my religious scripture. If you have to cry go outside, wear all black, make millions of dollars, and never wash your hair.

1. The Real Housewives series. I only watch the Orange County, New York, New Jersey, and Beverly Hills ones, but they are all so good. Last week, on the season finale of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills we found out that Kim is an alcoholic!!! This literally blew my mind and I stayed up all night thinking about it. I knew she looked a little shakey. It would be even better if they combined it with Intervention. Waiting for the reunion special is like waiting for Christmas.

ALSO...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO HELEN HENCKE DENNISON

LOVE YOU MOM

How to lose a cat in 10 ways...

So my sister adopted a feline about 2 years ago. Since then, the little slut got knocked up (the cat, not my sister), peed on her, and scratched up the entire apartment. Now, it's time to ditch the puss and my sister has no idea how. So here it is, how to ditch a cat...Erin take note

10. If you live in Rochester, take the cat to Lollypop farm. They have to take it, I mean they will kill it in 2 weeks, but at least you don't have to feel guilty about it.

9. Leave it outside. Cat's used to be wild and tough, come on they weren't originally found in pet stores. So just bring it out to the woods and walk away. Yeah it's a little Hansel and Gretel, but survival of the fittest never goes out of style.

8. Send it to the Dnepropetrovsk maniacs, ummm actually don't.

7. Buy a bigger dog. Remember that annoying story you had to read and sing to everyday in Kindergarten music class? I don't know why she swallowed a fly? I guess this sort of goes along with survival of the fittest, but it is a dog eat dog world.

6. If you aren't tough enough to leave the kitty out in the woods, just leave the door open until it creeps out, then shut it, change the locks and refuse to ever think about it ever again. You can even get sympathy, I mean your precious cat ran away...sad.

5. Give it to a small child. Kids will never say no to a new fluffy pet, and once the kid has it, their parents will have to let them keep it. What kind of monster would take away a cat from a child? EXACTLY.

4. Feed it to an ATM. Sorry, an American Psycho reference was in order.

3. Pull a Lenny and hug it until you accidentally break it's neck. No joke, Erin did this already when she was 4 years old. Mom and Dad told her it wasn't her fault, but I mean she did strangle it to death.

2. Put an ad on Craigslist, yeah I think that malibusnakeman@gmail sounds legit. Oh he'll take it for free? As long as he can meet you at night? in the ghetto? Don't tell the cops? Well, at least you won't have to worry about that damn cat anymore.

1. Close the garage door on it. Before you think I'm evil, Erin's last cat Fluffy was 18 when my Dad "accidentally" closed the garage door on her. Foolproof method.

How to grow up in the suburbs...

Last night I was watching Sex and the City, because that's what I do when I stay in, and it was all about the clone army that the suburbs produces. The whole thing looked fake, forced, and full of prozac. Well I get that, because part of me believes that, but truth me told, suburban kids have it pretty made, case in point:

10. Bikes, scooters, skateboards. These are your life and your only mode of transportation. Want to go to Kelly's house? bike it. Your neighborhood is your world and your domain so biking around it several times a day is essential.

9. Well you can't just bike around the block by yourself. You need a group. Your posse can be coed or just girls/boys. In the summer, you will see them everyday and you will form a bond stronger than blood and water, it probably won't be stronger than puberty though so live it up while you can, before geeky Jason becomes Hot Jason.

8. Gang warfare. So you have your group, but a group means nothing without a rival. In our neighborhood there were two neighborhood groups, we would occasionally unite during kickball games and capture the flag, but even during times of peace the lines were clearly drawn. We also had a rivalry against a nearby neighborhood. Our houses were newer though so clearly, we won.

7. Speaking of kickball, neighborhood games are essential, I mean you can't ride your bike around all day. So what do you play? Kickball, football, capture the flag, hide and seek. These are the basics. Oh and when you get older and can stay out late you switch to ghost in the graveyard. This is the best because you get to hide with the boy you like.

6. Go to the mall. When you become a little bit more old and boring, you'll beg your parents to take you to the mall. Every suburb has one and it will become the center of your universe. When you hit 13, the neighborhood is suddenly replaced by the mall, god 13 year olds suck.

5. Have a dog. Those kids without dogs always grow up weird. I know a few people who were never properly exposed to dogs when they grew up. Noticed I said I knew, not that I was friends with them.

4. Have a neighborhood crush. Every single girl in the neighborhood had a crush. It keeps things more interesting. You get to be excited every time they bike by. My mom and her neighborhood posse would all line up and ask Johnny which one he thought was prettier. I'm pretty sure me and my posse did the exact same thing. Not to mention, when you camp outside in your backyard they will come in the middle of the night to scare you.

3. Oh and that being said! You're a suburban kid, you don't camp in the forest, you do it in your backyard. You toast marshmallows over you're father's grill, sit by the pool (who needs a lake?) then sleep in a 5 person tent. You tell creepy ghost stories and when the boys from across the street come and scare you, you totally get freaked out...even though you were expecting it the whole time and put it in your AIM away message.

2. Sneak booze from your parents starting at 15. Try to corrupt the younger ones, and think you're really cool. Tell everyone you know that you tried wine coolers and mike's hard lemonade. People in cities drink whiskey and gin, people in the suburbs of upstate new york like their liquor with a bag of sugar.

1. Dream of moving to a big city and pretend that, despite your ideal upbringing, you will never move back to the suburbs and drive a mini-van. Even though we all know you totally will.

It's business

My sister is officially a business woman. Now, even though western women can't really bitch and moan about sexism anymore, any girl can tell you it still exists. It's subtle, but it's easy to get pushed around in a man's world. So if you're a girl who doesn't want to be a nurse, secretary, teacher, lawyer, or social worker (sorry mom), how do you pull ahead? Here's some of the best girl power advice I've ever gotten.

10. Remain a girl. You should never try to make yourself look less attractive or feminine to get what you want. Wear heels if you wish, do your hair, you can even wear makeup. In fact, I don't think theres any shame in using what you've got in your favor. Bat your eyelashes and wear a low cut top, while Mr. Executive is looking at your rack and underestimating you, you're being clever enough to snake up the corporate ladder and steal his job.

9. In the words of the GREAT Kelly Cutrone, if you have to cry go outside. Never, ever cry in front of anyone. As soon as you do, you look like a joke. Every girl was all 'WTF!' when Hilary Clinton teared up during the primary race, political suicide. Wusses cry, bitches man up, at least until they get home and are under the covers.

8. No bullshit. If you want something, say it flat out. Women have a way of subtly manipulating people, thank you Eve, but sometimes you just have to cut it out and say exactly what you want, when you want it. If you don't, you probably won't get it.

7. Money Over Bitches. This basically means don't get all caught up in another person. If you want to be good in your field, go all the way and don't stumble, that's chick shit and it won't help you become more successful. In the words of Charles Bukowski:

"If you're going to try, go all the way. Otherwise, don't even start. This could mean losing girlfriends, wives, relatives and maybe even your mind. It could mean not eating for three or four days. It could mean freezing on a park bench. It could mean jail. It could mean derision. It could mean mockery--isolation. Isolation is the gift. All the others are a test of your endurance, of how much you really want to do it. And, you'll do it, despite rejection and the worst odds. And it will be better than anything else you can imagine. If you're going to try, go all the way. There is no other feeling like that. You will be alone with the gods, and the nights will flame with fire. You will ride life straight to perfect laughter. It's the only good fight there is."

6. The fact of the matter is, most deals, networking, and negotiations don't take place in offices. They take place over lunches, in bars, and on golf courses. As a girl, you have to work twice as hard to get into these settings and do work. In the words of my father, "You're always gonna have to work twice as hard as the men. You know why? Cause all the good business deals are made on the golf course. No one cares about horses. "

5. If by chance you are at a lunch/dinner/business session don't order a cosmo or a sex on the beach. If you're gonna play with the boys, drink like the boys. Whiskey, gin, grey goose. Bonus if it's on the company tab.

4. Grow a thick skin. In writing you will probably receive one hundred rejections before someone decides to take you on. Same in business, and any other tough industry. You can't crumble, you can't take it personally and you can't give up. Grow a thick skin until you appear cold and jaded. That's when things will start going your way.

3. Play by the rules. If you're a woman in writing, and you're targeting both the male and female demographic, you're gonna have to change your name. J.K. Rowling doesn't go by J.K. in real life, the publishers made her change it. Is this stupid? yes, but it'll help you sell more books so you have to suck it up and do it. Don't become a martyr over rules that actually help you.

2. Make if before you have a baby. This is a major problem for women. You become torn. Family or career? What should come first. Well, make a career, then have a baby. You can't powerhouse both from the start, you'll end up half-assing both and getting nothing done. This is also why men tend to be more successful, they don't skip important meetings for dance recitals and girl scout trips. So make your first million before you make your first baby. Or hire 4 nannies and a wet nurse.

1. Work hard. Well duh, this one is easy. Work until you drop, write until you're hands hurt, network in your free time and become boring. You've got about 10 years to focus completely on your work so take full advantage of it until you do it and are making twice as much as your ex-boyfriend.

Pubs vs. bars

When I first went to Ireland with my father we hit up an Irish pub and I believe my Dad's exact words were "This is just like back home, but more expensive, and they don't have my games on."

Well, this isn't true at all. Every country has a different bar vibe and etiquette. I love Irish pubs, but to be honest I know a lot more about English pubs. So whats the difference between American bars and English pubs?

Seating- Seating is a major difference between these two nations. Back in the states it's all about getting a spot at the bar. Barstools are prime real estate, and if you get one, you don't let it go, even if you have to pay a stranger to hold your seat while you go to the bathroom. If you don't get one, you may get a table or you may have to stand around watching people play darts. Here in England, sitting or standing at the bar is a last resort. There are tons of tables/couches/ chairs to pull up to. Not to mention the fact that there is usually a fire place. score.

Drinks- In the states, it's all about cocktails, shots, and bottled beer. In London, it's all about the pint. Ordering a shot at a pub would probably look odd, although you can get away with a cocktail or a glass of wine. Ordering a Sex on the Beach? probably not gonna happen. I mean I love a good pint, but part of me still yearns for the bud light bottle.

Food- Bar food in the states=wings, popcorn, finger foods. Pub Grub is very english, were talking fish+chips, mash, burgers, wedges ect. They are both considered junk food but that's exactly what you want when you are drinking your weight in beer. FYI Chicken wings suck here. I miss them dearly but god do I love pub grub.

Games- The U.S. is all about darts, pool, and maybe the occasional arcade game. England is all about the fruit machines, and yes sometimes they even have board games. I spent my monday night playing scrabble and getting drunk, which is fine with me because truth be told, I suck at darts.

Sports- I have no idea, I never pay attention in either country, but I hear that they play way more soccer, cricket, and rugby then football, baseball, and basketball. I wish my dad would stop asking me if anyone has been keeping up with football over here, I don't even do that back home.

Either way, both are great and I could never actually pick a favorite. Although I must say I do love that I can sit by the fire, on a couch, with fluffy pillows, drinking a massive pint and playing connect-4. But then again, there is nothing like pretending to play pool and singing along to Don't Stop Believing.

How to survive a state school...

Well it's just a day of survival here now isn't it. When I was applying to colleges I was 16. I wanted a fun school that wouldn't drown my family in debt. I didn't have the grades into Harvard or Yale and I didn't smoke enough pot/wasn't a snob enough to get into most other private schools. So, like most of my friends, I went to a SUNY school (State University of New York). The thing is, state school folk, like myself, learn a lot. Lets just say that watching Jersey Shore makes me feel nostalgic for my SUNY Cortland experience. So here you go, how to survive a SUNY.

10. Decide whether you're more of a frat kid or a sports kid. I personally hate frat boys so I decided to party with athletes. (Oh right, i forgot to mention when your a chick at a SUNY school what boys you hang out with determine your entire social life) Anyway, I started with the athletes because they were a little less date-rapey and a little more keg stand. Eventually, I decided that they were lame too and turned to the misfits by Junior year. I mean, yeah the baseball team was fun for a little bit but their self-worship got exhausting. My boys didn't have jerseys or letters so my group of guys were just plain fun. Those bro's raised me.

9. Learn to recognize when a boy is on steroids. Recently, a fraternity at my old university got busted for hazing. During the bust, cops found steroids. SHOCKING. Learn when a boy is on steroids, because truth me told, boys that are juiced up are terrifying. They get super mad and they will hit you. The first time I realized a boy was capable of hitting me I almost had a panic attack. Luckily, I ran and he just stood there with the steam pouring out of his ears. Sorry Snooki, but when a boy is juiced, stay away. (fun fact: the boy who punched Snooki was the bouncer at my school's local bar).

8. Learn to recognize roofies. So you drank a beer, just one, and you can barely walk. Well guess what, you've just been roofied. When this happens, don't panic, just go home and go to sleep. On more than one occasion I have had someone come up to me and tell me not to drink my drink. Roofies are for boys with no skills and no moral conscious. Real men never use roofies and not to sound like a NARC, but if you know someone has those little pills, report that shit. An acquaintance of mine once saw a frat boy put a whole pack into a batch of jungle juice, what a guy, she laughed it off like it was NBD. Guess what? It is. Besides, what guy is so insecure with his own skills that the girl has to be knocked out for either party to enjoy it?

7. Hazing. I never joined a sorority but the majority of my friends did and I saw a lot of hazing. At first you get incredibly grossed out by it, how could anyone do that? But eventually you have to give it up. These girls are over 18 and if they want to subject themselves to eating crap, not showering, and verbal abuse than let them. Eventually, I thought it was hilarious.

6. Take bagels from the dining hall. You don't need to do this when you live on campus and you have a sick meal plan, but as soon as you move off, take full advantage of this. Bring a big purse and take as many bagels/cereal/whatever as possible. You pay taxes, you deserve those bagels. Besides, you spent all your grocery money on beer.

5. Binge drink. Freshman year we would all sit on the floor and pass a bottle of vodka back and forth until it was gone. 8 shots should never been considered pregaming, but when you're 18 that's exactly what it is. The best part of it was, I never even got hungover until I hit 21, oh the irony.

4. Get a group. The people I lived with freshman year were my hommies throughout college. Everyone needs a group, and the fact of the matter is, those groups are determined within the first month of college. So as soon as you move in, be as friendly as possible until you are accepted. The best part of college is, it hasn't been this easy to make friends since kindergarten.

3. Don't stress too much about work. I always got my shit done and I still managed to binge drink every weekend. No one likes the kid who stays in the library all weekend. I mean, it is a state school after all. Obviously if you went to MIT, it'd probably be a different story. College is 25% work, and 75% social experience, don't sacrifice one, because you don't need to.

2. About once a week, my friends would fall in love with a boy, tell them all their secrets, screw them and then get screwed over by them. You can't expect to find true love around the keg. The truth is, everyone is at college to have a blast, very few guys are out their searching for the one, and if they are they are probably pretty lame. So what to do? Have fun and never take it too seriously. He probably had herpes anyway. Oh and about that...GET TESTED, A LOT. 1 in 4 people on SUNY campuses has a STD. How romantic.

1. Take full advantage of it everyday. There is no other time in your life that you can wear sweatpants 24/7, can get hammered everyday, have literally no responsibilities, and have your life be completely about fun. It's controlled chaos and it'll only happen to you once so breathe it in.

Honorable mentions: Halloween, sneaking into bars, keystone, beer pong, flip-cup, kegs+eggs, the health center.

How to survive a new city...

Yesterday I got a comment from one of my fav. readers. He went to school with my sister and lets me know when my blog sounds too lame. He wanted to know why I stopped writing about travel. Well sadly, I haven't traveled in a bit because I'm broke BUT at least this is sorta on the right track.

When you first move to a new city life is rough. You may have one friend who is far too easy to depend on or you have no friends at all. So when you have to start a new life how the hell do you do it? And no, going away to college doesn't count because they just sort of hand you a new life at orientation. So here's my guide on how to survive in a new city...

10. First things first, you need a purpose. You can't just move to a new city for fun and then float aimlessly, well unless you're Paris Hilton. So here's what you do, make sure you have a reason to get up in the morning, whether it be for work, school, or simply volunteering. If you don't you'll end up just drifting and drifting=depression.

9. Make friends. You need friends and you need them fast. When I moved to London I had a few friends already but I had to make a conscious effort not to lean on them too much and find my own life. So when someone asks you to hang out, do it. If you can't meet them at work or school, join a club or once again, volunteer. You need to meet people and despite what most movies tell you, you probably won't find your new bff waiting in line at Tesco.

8. Know your city. For the first few weeks when you arrive explore the shit out of your city. Even if you've visited it before, now you get to know it in a new way. Find a coffee shop that you like, find a pub, find you're local store. Get to know it as a local and blend in.

7. Get into a routine. When I first went to Romania and in London, I acted like a tourist and spent a ton of money living like one. Of course I can go out to dinner, and a movie, and buy a book, and this new shirt, I'm in a new city! Nope, you aren't a tourist anymore, you live here so now you need a budget and a routine. That's not to say that you can't go treat yourself every once in awhile, but don't spend $500 in your first weekend...oops.

6. Don't get wifed up. If you're new, you have no friends, and you go out on a date it's really easy to fall into it and get wifed up in record time. Don't do that. Go on dates and have fun, but remember moving to a new city means you are trying to be independent so don't get wifed just because you're bored. In fact date as many people as possible, think of all the free food.

5. Don't call home constantly. When you first break up with a boy it's really hard not to call him constantly, same goes for when you break up with a city. All your friends were there, your life was there, it's easy to get homesick and miss it, but remember you're on a new adventure so forget about your lame boring ex.

4. When you go to class or work be extra extra extroverted, I mean but not in an obnoxious way. I tend to be more of a loner so when I move to a new place I have to force myself to be social. This definitely goes along with the making friends thing, but it is that important that it needs to be said twice.

3. Embrace the new city and culture. If you move from LA to NYC it probably sucks that the energy is much faster. If you move from the country to any city you might get offended that people aren't as friendly as they were back home, but don't bitch about it, embrace it until you're living it.

2. Go to events/concerts/readings. Like I said, routines and budgets are important, but so is having fun and experiencing the city, so if theres a band playing that you like, go see them, if David Sedaris is holding a reading GO SEE HIM! Even if you go alone. Going to events by yourself can be a lot of fun and it's good for you.

1. Never say No. and I don't mean that in a rape-esq thing. But if someone invites you out take them up on it. Even if it is that creepy guy in the corner, who knows maybe he's cool and you'll have a good night. Take every opportunity that is presented to you and whatever you do don't stay in on a Friday night. Don't wade into your new life, cannonball in.

Being cool in Soho

So yesterday my homegirl Nikki and I went out to dinner in Soho. The restaurant had been highly recommended by a friend and to be fair it did have a very cool atmosphere.

So we arrive and it is dope. It's a tiny, tiny little establishment with an awesome vibe. The wait is an hour and a half so Nikki and I settled in and order a bottle of wine, the cheapest wine on the list of course. Now usually I hate waiting, but if you want to do cool things you have to queue up like it's no biggie.

So we're sitting there, chatting away and getting buzzed on good cheap wine. Finally we are told we can eat at the bar. We sat up on there and ordered another bottle of wine.

It was super fun pretending to be cool and sophisticated. It literally was like playing dress up and going to your first grown up party. I was really getting into it and by getting into it, I mean getting buzzed and pretending even harder that I belonged there.

Finally, we are reading the menu and at first it looks reasonable. 3 pounds for a starter 7 pounds for a main. Not too shabby, EXCEPT since it's a trendy place the food is just bite size and you are expected to order 3-4 starters and 3-4 mains. Suddenly, reality hits and we remember that we are poor twenty-somethings and order a total of 4 things. Like most poor people, we chose potatoes and bread in the hope that it would be enough to fill us up. Just like Russian peasants.

The food arrives and it is so good, duck ragu, calamari on spinach, walnut bruchetta with grapes and goat cheese on bread, but literally it's enough for a small mouse. I think we ate it in about 5 minutes despite our best efforts to make it last in order to trick our stomachs into thinking that we were full. After a spoonful of desert and a shot of tequila, always a smart move, the bill arrives.....90 quid!

90 fucking quid, oh my god, I could have gone on a shopping spree at Topshop for that. Anyway the moral of the story is if you're being cool or pretending to be a baller go to soho, if you're hungry go to McDonalds.

How to write an angry facebook message

Yesterday, after my blog post I received a few complaints from a couple that is convinced I wrote the post about them. Specifically the part:

Here's a little case study for you: A former high school friend of mine got into a very intense relationship at the age of 17. 17! They were so in love, so much so that they burned every other bridge they had. They spent their college years staying in the dorm watching Anchorman and talking about how much they loved each other and how special and magical their bond was. They broke up 4 years later and realized they didn't have a life anymore. She still lives at home.

Now I'll be honest with you. This was based on a few different experiences that I combined. It was not targeted or based on one relationship. Sorry, but in the words of the great Carly Simon "you're so vain."

After I had ignored them on facebook chat I got a couple of angry facebook inboxes. They didn't really do the trick because, well, they made a few key mistakes. So here it is, my guide to writing a less hilarious/more angry facebook message.

10. If they ignore you on facebook chat then you better send a facebook inbox. Your voice needs to be heard and you need to speak your peace, even if it's obvious that the other person isn't playing. Pursue that bitch until you get it off your chest.

9. Pretend that you just wanted to say hello, then as the message progresses get meaner and angrier. Something like "hey what's up? hope you're doing well, you dumb bitch. That way you trick them into reading further before you hit them with the insult.

8. Try to belittle them. Saying something like "I hope you are happy with the life choices you make" is a great example. It's condescending and it forces them to self-reflect. Actually if you think about it, you're doing them a favor.

7. Avoid saying something like "I don't even care about this or you at all." That's sort of like telling someone when you're not talking to them. You do and you are.

6. If the initial response you get is not to your liking, then push harder. Send another message, maybe they didn't understand that you are actually mad at you.

5. If they apologize, don't accept it. You're mad but you don't actually care so that apology means nothing to you. They don't get to wave the white flag, you must reject the apology.

4. Spell check. Obviously, I make a few grammar and spelling mistakes up on here a lot, but you can be sure that if I ever send an email or a complaint it is in perfect english. saying "ass wholes" doesn't do you any favors so maybe have a trusted friend proofread it to save yourself the embarrassment.

3. Criticize what they do. Now it's not enough just to focus on the issue on hand you need to rip every aspect of the person apart. It's called total war.

2. Say I "truly feel sorry for you" This is one of my personal favorites because then it makes you look like the good guy, the guy who just cares about you and the poor life decisions you're making. You may have just called them a materialistic ass whole who has the maturity level of a child, but hey, it's because you care.

1. Don't do it at all. I have never felt the need to tell someone I am mad at them via facebook. If I do care about them, I contact them in person or over the phone and if I don't care about them, I genuinely don't get mad. I can't imagine how stressful life would be if I became a mess every time anyone hated on me. God I think I'd be in my room crying all the time. The point is, grow a thicker skin and hang out with the ones you love. Don't worry about some douche bag blogger who you haven't spoken to in 5 years. What the hell does she know anyway?!

Disclaimer

Well after my previous post I got yet another negative response. Looks like I'm on a roll huh?

I won't go into the details of the matter but it wasn't pretty...

So here's the thing, I'm a writer, a non-fiction writer. I use what and who I know. I do my best to keep people anonymous by not including names and/or changing names, unless it's positive or you're related to me in which case I will sing your praises loud and proud.

The fact of the matter is if you have played a role in my life you will probably be written about or at the very least referred to at some point in my writing, whether it be on the blog, articles, or even homework. I will never publish someone's secrets or anything that is said in confidence but if we have a shared experience I feel as though that's fair game.

So I apologize if I have offended you, but I appreciate that you read my blog :)

Cheers

A response to a response....

So yesterday I got a response to my blog on my friend's facebook wall. Since I'm a giver I am going to share with you the response and then I will write my own response. It's like a share circle.

My quote from yesterday's blog:

"But the thing is, while so many people I know are settling into the grind, living at home and getting wifed up, I got drunk for a week straight with one of my childhood friends in London....game, set, match."

And here is what my biggest fan had to say:

Dear Krissy Cash Dennison

I got wifed up and since that time have travelled to almost every European country as well as South Africa and East Africa many times, have lived in Europe and America, have vacationed in resorts with athletes and movie stars, have dined in some of the worlds premier restaurants, have laughed and cried with the person I wifed up, got drunk been sober and got drunk again and made love to the finest lady I have ever known ... "the wifed up one"

And now here's my new response:

Dear The wifed up one,

All relationships are different and it sounds like yours is pretty awesome. I mean movie stars? wow! Fun fact, my parents have also been happily married for almost 30 years and I still catch them making out in the kitchen so I know that marriages can work. I'm not doing the whole "taming of the shrew" thing so relax.

That being said, there is nothing worse than a couple of twenty year olds who are not emotionally mature enough to allow the other one to leave the room without letting them know. It gets even sadder when the couple stays together simply because they feel obligated to. They will usually end up resenting the shit out of each other by the time they hit 30. Because, despite what romantic comedies tell you, codependence is never hot.

Here's a little case study for you: A former high school friend of mine got into a very intense relationship at the age of 17. 17! They were so in love, so much so that they burned every other bridge they had. They spent their college years staying in the dorm watching Anchorman and talking about how much they loved each other and how special and magical their bond was. They broke up 4 years later and realized they didn't have a life anymore. She still lives at home.

I too was wifed up once. It was only for a couple of months but that boy was my world. I hung out with him and his lame friends instead of with my much cooler friends. I pretended to watch sports and played video games thinking that if I didn't he'd cheat on me. Even though it was only a few months the damage had been done. I had wasted 4 months of my life and had nothing to show for it. Then I got over it, studied in Ireland, then went backpacking in Europe, then studied in Romania, then moved to London. None of the hotels I stayed at hosted athletes or movie stars and I mostly ate bread and cheese. Maybe if I had been married or in a relationship the hotels would have been better and the restaurants would have been Michelin starred. Maybe we would have laughed and cried and held hands through the louvre, or maybe, and more likely, I'd be stuck in Rochester, New York drinking Keystone lite and wishing he'd get off the fucking xbox.

So Mr. Wifed up, enjoy your relationship and treat your homegirl well, but don't condescend those who have chosen to date themselves. The planet is big enough for the both of us. Besides, I'm a 22 year old girl, I really wouldn't take anything I say too seriously.

Sometimes....

So sorry to be a bad host once again, however I had a wonderful visit from one of my favorite Rochestarians this week. Rachael has lived down the street from me since we were 5 and we spent our entire childhood sitting on the corner talking about boys and bullying the weaker neighbors.

Even though we don't sit on the corner anymore we still have a lot in common, mainly the fact that we both got out of a town that is known for never letting anyone escape. We drank a lot and talked a lot this week and we cheered to our great escape and our fabulous families.

We wondered why, even though one lives in Manhattan and one lives in London we still get along swimmingly and well, we figured it out, we share the exact same philosophy...

sometimes it easier to stay inside

it's easier to have hot showers and not worry about money

it's easier to have perfect hair

it's easier to be a little bit dumber than the boys

it's easier to like the color pink and those little cardigan sets

it's easier to mold

it's easier to be safe

and it's easier when things are handed to you.

you'll never have to worry about money if you don't leave you're parents

you'll never have to worry about a job if your only goal is marriage

and you'll always have plenty of boys if you put out and shut up.

And well, that's all very well and good for normal people, and I'm sure it works just fine for most. But the thing is, while so many people I know are settling into the grind, living at home and getting wifed up, I got drunk for a week straight with one of my childhood friends in London....game, set, match.

Baddest bitches

The other day I did something I almost never do, I acted like a total chick. It was annoying and gross. Girls should never act like chicks, we should act like the real deal. We should be tough, bullshit free, and take what we want. After my brief dip into chickdom I had to refocus and regroup. I don't want to be a June Clever, I want to be a Jwoww. So here it is, the best bitches that ever lived.

10. Anne Boleyn. This girl turned her dreams into reality and rocked it hard. She changed the entire religion of a nation and basically controlled and manipulated the western world's most powerful man. Baby's got sauce. Sure she got beheaded, but she made an impact and got exactly what she wanted. Most men wouldn't have the tits to do that. You go girl. P.S. I'll totally visit your ghost later.

9. Jwoww. Jwoww beats anyone up who starts a fight, doesn't wear pants, and walks like a thug. Homegirl is a force in her own right and I have mad respect for her. She's even an awesome friend to that hot mess Snooki. It's a scientific fact that people who hate on Jwoww are boring.

8. Sarah Palin. I know I'm going to get shit for this one and yes she's a joke but guess what, she took being a mayor of a shit town in the shittiest state of the union and turned it into a multi-million dollar empire. Of course she is a character, but she knows it and any girl who can hustle that hard has my vote, but not literally.

7. Alexa Chung. She's just so damn cute she has to be on this list.

6. Wednesday Addams. Ok so she may have been fictional but still she needs to be on this list. She was dark and edgy and kept trying to kill/maim/torture her brother. She was my idol when I was little and is still my idol to this day. I don't even mind that she wear pigtails. Actually, that makes it better.

5. J.K. Rowling, umm hello she wrote Harry Potter and she had to write under J.K. so that boys would buy her books. A female writer who doesn't suck? Yes Please.

4. Miranda Hobbs. When people talk about Sex and the City it's always Carrie this and Carrie that but guess what? Carrie was a hot mess with daddy issues and a massive amount of debt. Miranda on the other hand was a Harvard grad who was woman enough to marry a bartender and move to Brooklyn. She even rocked the red hair, that's way less boring than Carrie's blonde hair.

3. Blanche Devereaux. Before Sex and the City was the Golden Girls. I would put in the entire cast if I could however I only had one spot available and it goes to Blanche. She was a classy slut who wore amazing clothes and was a dick to everyone. Love ya Blanche. RIP Rue

2. Beyonce. Beyonce got Jay Z, JAY Z! to take her last name. If that isn't epic than I don't know what is. Not to mention girl can dance, and how good was her last album? so good.

1. Eve. Adam was boring so she picked the apple to spice things up a bit. We should all pay thanks everyday that Eve had bigger balls than her male counterpart. She was the original bitch.