5 things you should never, ever, do

5. Google the plane you're about to fly on- I do this a lot, like every single time before I fly. I do it because I subconsciously hate myself. Oh that plane model has been recalled? Oh the entire fleet has been grounded. 20 of them have crashed in the last ten years? Perfect, can't wait to board now. It's even better when you google image the plane crashing, then to supplement your growing fear, it's a good idea to watch Final Destination and rewind the crash scene a few times to really rub the salt in. Welcome aboard.

4. Walk in the woods alone- I was taking a walk through a wooded area the other day. I wasn't alone, I was with a guy who is a little over 6 feet tall, but I still whipped around every time I heard a twig snap. I mean Hansel and Gretel? Cabin Fever? Practically every murder ever, it all comes down to the woods. Best case scenario you'll find a decomposing corpse, worst case scenario you will be the decomposing corpse. Actually no, worst case scenario you'll run into Bella Swan having a breakdown over her breakup.

3. Look up crime statistics in your neighborhood- My flatmate did this last night. It was really exciting to see that there have been over 100 crimes committed in my area in the last month. It was even more exciting to discover that 5 of these had been violent and just down the street, right by my old flat apparently. I guess I can rest easy knowing that my new apartment is safer, but still I'm going to start carrying a knife and a "don't fuck with me" attitude wherever I go from now on.

2. Watch Taken or Hostel before flying to Europe- This kind of goes along with the whole googling your plane. I watched Hostel before I went backpacking and nearly cried. I had flashbacks to it the entire time I was in Eastern Europe, specifically when I stayed in a really nice Hostel in Budapest. I also let a guy convince me that I was at risk for being sex trafficked due solely to the movie Taken. I mean I love my Dad, but if I was kidnapped by an Albanian I don't think he would go all Liam Neeson on anyone's ass, so essentially I'd end up like Katie Cassidy's character....damn.

1. Watch Human centipede- You just shouldn't watch it because the plot is stupid and you'll want to throw up. You'll also spend a lot of time debating which position would be worse. I mean, in the movie they say being in the middle is worse, but it's my personal opinion that being the last person would be way worse. To each their own I suppose. What do you think?