The evolution of how to make people jealous

0-5: You don't do anything because you aren't aware of what being jealous is. All you know is that you have some good toys, like you have mad polly pockets, but your neighbor has a cooler Barbie collection. You try to just take them but then you get in trouble. Since you aren't even a real person yet you don't know the rules or what this feeling is. You just know that Courtney's parents must love her more than you're parents love you because she has the Barbie dream house AND the Barbie car.

5-10: You finally understand that some people have more than you and that you have more than others too. This is when you are at your most honest and just tell people exactly whats up. You may say, My Dad is tougher than yours, be jealous, or I'm prettier than you, be jealous. I love 5-10 year olds because they are the purest form of human, besides maybe like sociopaths. They say exactly what they want, when they want, and there is never any bullshit. When I was this age, if I wanted to be jealous I just demanded they be jealous. FYI, my jelly shoes were so much doper than Britney's.

10-15: This is when you start to like boys but you haven't realized that boys are developmentally like 5 years behind you so you try to be subtle to get their attention. You may put up in your away message or status certain things that you know will grab their attention, i.e. "I'm out doing something super fun and being super awesome." smart girls will also leak information to guarantee that the appropriate party will get jealous. i.e. I want Ricky to like me so I better tell Tiffany that I like Peter, who will tell Johnny who will tell Ricky who will be totes jeal then fall in love with me. No seriously, thats the thought process of a 14 year old girl. Oh and Becky is prettier than you and smarter than you? Well if she's prettier than you she must be a slut. This is probably when girls are the most sketchy. It's when they finally realize the power they posses and abuse it. It has only been made worse in the last few years due to social media.

16-21: This is when girls get more active and less subtle. So the facebook update didn't grab Ricky's attention and Becky has a hotter outfit? Don't just blog about it! Hook up with Ricky's BFF at a party in front of the whole school wearing a much better outfit then Becky! Or better yet, sleep with Becky's boyfriend. She's a total bitch anyway.

22-married: Ok you obviously still get jealous and annoyed. The emotion doesn't just disappear after college, but you do learn how to handle it better. You realize that being around people who are better than you only makes you better. When you get jealous you know it's because you're feeling insecure or hurt or bummed out. You don't try to take the bitch down anymore, you just buy a new outfit and work harder. The boy doesn't like you? Thats his problem, the girl is smarter, good for her, they have more than you, well tough shit. You no longer need (although you'll def still crave it) people to be jealous of you, because you finally have your shit together-ish.

Married: It pretty much goes away at this point. As my mother says "I just want everyone to leave me alone"