How do you cope with the death of your college life in a shitty economy?
1. After college, most people are still living with their parents which is a real bummer and usually only worsens your 1/4 lifer. That being said, move out as soon as possible. Even if it's a shitty apartment you are sharing with 3 other people and paying for with your McDonalds salary, it's worth it. I love my parents but if I had to live with them full time I think all 3 of us would proceed to the nearest bridge like we were being bullied. Or do what I did, take out a loan to move to London that you will be paying for until the Angels win the pennant.
2. So what you can't move out? There is still hope. It's called dating someone completely and totally inappropriate. For instance, my sister dated a white rapper and he kept life exciting. They were never going to get married but their relationship was a totally fun novelty. You don't want to settle down so just mess around with someone ridiculous for a little bit.
3. Take a vacation. So you can't binge drink every night anymore because it's no longer socially acceptable or charming so go out with a bang and take a week long vacation where you're expected to get shit faced every night. Or if you are really "over it" take a month or two and go travel. Get lost and figure your shit out. It's called soul searching and it's dope.
4. The worst thing ever is when you have to return to your hometown. This can be a real bummer especially if you spent the first 18 years of your life trying to get out of that place. When I was home all summer I basically just zoned out, drank wine by myself, and spooned with my dog. I barely even noticed I was back in Victor, New York.
5. One major issue with being post-college is that your wardrobe is not up to par and you have a beer gut. Well this is not ideal for the real world so chuck your sweats and don't worry about the college pudge, it'll disappear as soon as you stop ordering pizza at 2AM.
6. To the boys....now that you are a grown up, it will no longer be impressive to a girl to buy a 6 pack of PBR and challenging them to a game of sexually charged beer pong. If you want to get laid after college, it's called a date. Google it.
7. Girls, now that you have a BA from a reputable institution it is no longer ok to do body shots or keg stands. Sorry, when we grow up we must put our toys away. From now on it's wine from a bottle and cocktails. (or beer, but it better be imported)
8. Dump the college sweetheart. It was fun, you both bonded over Jeff Buckely and your love of the Office. You both though Frats were dumb and that chicken-wing pizza was the best, but guess what? now you have to grow up and realize that having similar iPod playlists pretty much means jack shit and there are plenty more hot fish in the sea. Besides almost anything can feel like love when you are drunk on Franzia.
9. Try not to get pregnant either. You are older but that doesn't mean you don't have fun times ahead of you. It may be tempting to do the whole house in the suburbs baby thing during these stressful economic times, but just don't, you have plenty more parties to attend and babies are such a bummer, haven't you ever seen Teen Mom?
10. Don't take anything seriously. Your college career is dead but that doesn't mean you have to get all dark and intense. You don't have a kid, a mortgage, or an executive position yet which means life doesn't have to be so serious. Go have fun, try new shit, and make your new life even better than your state university life.
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