Books

I'm a pretty big reader when I'm back in Rochester. I mean I'm a pretty big reader anyway, but back home my parents buy my books so i can afford to indulge in a couple a week. Over here, it slows down to about 1 every 2 weeks. That being said, I need a new book. Since it's gross out, I can't go to the bookstore, so I've just been mentally replaying my favorite books in my head.

What makes a good book? Well in my opinion, a good book has to make you feel something. Whether it makes you stressed, scared, happy, or sad is irrelevant, as long as it's something.

To imagine being able to write, using nothing but words to make a stranger have an emotion seems like an impossible feat, so one has got to pay their respects to all the books that have ever made them feel.

Funniest: Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim by David Sedais. I literally laughed so hard while reading this that people thought I was crazy and I couldn't catch my breath. It was one of those deep laughs that actually start to hurt, you to wonder whether or not you will die and begin to panic which just makes you laugh harder. I still read it constantly and I still laugh every time. I think writing something funny is definitely the hardest thing to do. 75% of comedy is literally in the delivery of it, just ask Dane Cook, if he just spoke like a normal person, no one would ever laugh. Without the use of his voice, hands, or body, David Sedaris made me laugh harder than anyone else ever could. That takes genius.

Saddest: Ok there is a tie here. The first is Of Mice and Men by Steinbeck. This book was the first book ever that actually made me cry. I was so upset by it that my mom had to hug me and remind me that it was just a book. I read it 5 years after and it still had the same impact, except this time I didn't run to my mom, I just stayed in my bed and felt depressed for a few hours. All he wanted was to tend the rabbits George!

The second would be The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold. This book was just absolutely beautiful and perfect and it's the only other book I have read that has made me cry. In my opinion, Sebold has to be some sort of supernatural being to produce something that good. Oh and by the way, the movie was shit.

Most fucked up: Without question that most disturbing book I have ever read was American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis. Holy shit did this book do a number on me. There were literally times while I was reading it that I had to hide it under my pillow and watch reality TV just to detox, it was that intense. After I read it, I felt like a bad person. I also felt the tremendous desire to discuss it so I made my sister read it too. It had the same impact on her. I felt like I just watched the video from the Ring.

Scariest: The scariest and probably the most quotable book I have ever read was a Picture of Dorian Gray. This book was so scary, had a amazing plot, and I actually carry around a page of it in my purse at all times because it was that perfect. I literally bought an extra copy of the damn book just to rip out one page. No other but Oscar could make me do that.

Coolest: The coolest book I have ever read is Dear Diary by Lesley Arfin. This book was just dope. I even felt cool carrying it around. It was so honest and raw, not to mention every girl born in the last 50 years can relate to it. It almost, almost, makes you wish you were a recovering addict just so you could be more like Arfin. I have since re-read it twice and have bought two copies.

Guiltiest: Now reading isn't all rainbows and roses. Some books make you feel really guilty for reading because you know that they are crap. Well along with bored housewives and teenage girls everywhere, mine in the Twilight Saga. I have no idea what it is about these books. They aren't well written, the plot is lame, I can't stand Bella, and Edward seems like a pussy. That being said, I have read them all, twice, in one sitting. They are literally like crack. I can promise you that no one will ever see me reading them, but yes its true I've read them all and loved them. The guilt eats me up inside everyday.

MY FAVORITE: now my actual favorite book of all-time is About a Boy by Nick Hornby. I am sorry, but this was without a doubt the most enjoyable piece of literature I have ever read. I loved every second of it the first, second, and third time I've read it. It's funny, sweet, and sad all in one. Extra Bonus: Hornby also worked on the movie which means it is equally as good.

Honorable mention to those who didn't make the cut but still created something fierce: Charles Bukowski, J.K. Rowling, The Brothers Grimm, Anthony Bourdain, David Eagleman, and John Ajvide Lindqvist