After my beautiful, self-employed, creative, sister (with her own apartment) said "nah thanks" two of these bisexual "men" actually threw a temper tantrum. One practically stomped his feet and crossed his arms in protest.
Needless to say, these were not ideal dates. So what went wrong? What is wrong with these kids? Oh right they were born and bred in Los Angeles.
Each city produces it's own breed of boy. I know you're not supposed to make generalizations or whatever blah blah blah, but before being politically incorrect becomes illegal I'm going to break it down for you.
LA boys- These boys are slightly emotionally retarded. They have been exposed to too much sun and even more Lindsay Lohan. Best case scenario, you will find a surfer who doesn't have acting aspirations. But even then, they won't pay for a date, and they do a lot of coke. They are the toddlers of boyworld.
NYC boys- There are two types of New York boys. Actually there are several types but for the sake of time we will only focus on two. The preppy turned broker boys and the hipster boys. One will eventually grow up to cheat on you with his secretary and the later will make you read his blog and shop organic and everyone knows blogs are the worst, so are their ironic mustaches.
Suburban boys- This is specifically directed at those being produced by the suburbs of New York State. I hear that they love Frat pack movies and are champions of beer pong. They wear cargo shorts, Hollister shirts, and flip-flops. Sometimes they get one ear pierced and drink Budlight. If you're lucky and they really, really like you they may take you to Applebees, but only if the game is on, and only if you skip the appetizer. This may seem harsh, and to be honest I haven't talked to one since I was 17 so I don't really know. That being said, I'll probably marry one.
Southern boys- There are two types of southern boys, the old money kind and the kind in Taylor swift songs. I don't know any old money southerners but they look like assholes on TV. I do have a soft spot for the country southern boys. They are a little too old fashioned but it's great that they drink whiskey, they would never hit a woman, they always have cool pick up trucks, and they know how to find great BBQ. Not to mention they always rock the best faded jeans and plaid shirts. They are the personification of summer. The only true problem is they are a little too into football and they may actually want to go to church. Nevertheless, there's a reason they call them good ol' boys.
Italian boys- I know this isn't a city but Italy has some reoccurring themes. They dress ridiculously well, they actually say cheesy shit like Ciao Bella, and they can dance. They also have perfect manners and great tans. But it's almost too much, especially if you don't want to date a guy whose prettier than you. I hate when they are prettier than me.
Eastern European boys- Once again, this is more of a region than a city, but whatever it's my blog and I can do what I want. I spent 5 months with them and I still don't know whats up. They have great manners, but some are a little dated. (opening the door is good, ordering for me is not) They have a lot of pride so they pay for everything but they don't like it when you drink or swear, which can be an issue being from the US. And they usually smoke, a lot. grrrrosssssss.
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London boys- Oh the very best, even though they are nothing like Hugh Grant has led you to believe. They dress very well, like gay well, but they are still masculine. Not to mention they have the best hair. They have pretty decent manners (not as good as Italians, but better than LA boys) but everyone knows that manners mean nothing anyway when a guy can rock a pea coat perfectly- I think they must learn that in A levels or whatever the hell they call it.
There are a trillion other kinds of boys in the world. It's like a Boy Baskin Robbins.
Wouldn't it be Erin's fault for even going out with these guys? How do you not see all of that within the first 10 seconds of meeting someone? Reminds me of the biggest douche in Plattsburgh who your sister just happened to be involved with...wore headbands, took his shoes off at the gym and his name was like Blake or Blain or something. I'm sure she remembers.
ReplyDeleteYou're dead on about British lads knowing how to dress and suburban kids being the worst type of human being on earth. If we had better men's stores here I would wear better coats but I'm not spending $300 on a pea coat from J. Crew every winter. God I sound gay.
I completely agree with the person above me. It is completely impossible to get a good pea coat anywhere that is not ridiculously expensive. Its either cheap, weird shaped, and poor quality OR its hundreds of dollars and perfectly cut. You just can't win.
ReplyDeleteBLAKE! oh my god Blake! I remember him. What was that about Erin?
ReplyDeleteYea I do understand the lack of decent men's clothes, and women's clothes for that matter. I think dressing is just more important over here so they've made it easier. It's a shame because I love those pea coats
ok. well first of all, blake was hilarious. he loved black lights, a lot. and its really important to be into someone who has a passion. i was 18 and he was a passionate-wavey haired-olived skinned skateboarder. i mean, really. i had to lose my virginity to someone, didnt i?
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