bucket list

I was mellowing out today and this was my train of thought:

Mariah Carey's new Christmas CD >Christmas> plane> death> bucket list.

Bucket lists. after that damn movie came out everyone and their mother began writing a bucket list of things to do before you die. It's always full of bullshit that no one will ever do but that will haunt them for the rest of their lives, i.e. when they are on their deathbeds they will regret that time they didn't bungee jump or climb Mt. Everest, as if that would have made their life far more fulfilling.

Bucket lists also usually include places to visit. I mean there is the obligatory Paris, but then there is usually also something completely random like East Timor tacked on just for fun which makes them completely cost prohibitive and even more impractical.

I've tried to make a bucket list before but I am absolutely horrible at it, mainly because I have no desire to jump out of a plane, bungee jump, or visit Afghanistan because I am an enormous wuss.

I mean it's always a good idea to have goals, but a list 100 items long of goals seems a bit ridiculous and unrealistic. That being said, I've decided to write a much more doable list of goals...this one is only 10 items long so hopefully I'll be able to cover it before getting knocked up and taking out a mortgage.

1. Go to Asia and try eating dog and/or monkey meat. Look I love dogs, and monkeys are really cool too. I have no problem with them and I actually enjoy their company, but the thing is I really want to go to Asia and I also really want to know what Fido tastes like. Is it gamey? or more like beef? Sorry, but that is just how it is, don't tell Brigitte Bardot.

2. Meet Danny Wegman. I love Wegmans, and to me, meeting a Wegman would be the equivalent of meeting a Kennedy except for less terrible because who the hell wants to meet a Kennedy?

3. Own two properties in two different countries. I am American obviously, so i'll need a home base so that my kids won't grow up deprived of Halloween and Mexican food, but I also want them to have a cool accent so we will have to have a property in England as well. Sorry future spawn, you can't go to Becky's sleepover because we are going to London that week. You'll thank me later.

4. I want to get into a fight with the ladies on the View. How annoying are they? I just want to poke them until they flip out at me and spew misinformation all over their studio. I don't like conflict, but for them I would make an exception.

5. Be interviewed in a documentary. For what? Doesn't matter I just want to be asked questions in a documentary. The more controversial the better.

6. I want to stand on a cliff overlooking the ocean as a storm heads in. How poetic would that be??

7. I want to take the Orient Express. I love trains, I think I love Russia, and we covered the Asia thing in item 1. I am also a huge fan of Agatha Christie so this really is a win win win win situation. Bonus if there is actually a murder!

8. I want to get a really expensive haircut, like a $1000 haircut. I have a shallow streak that runs down to my core. Besides if it's a salon that expensive, i bet they give you free coffee and soda, what a deal!

9. I want to fly first class. I want the flight attendants to cater to every whim. I want an extra blanket, good food, and better headphones. I also want free boos and one of those winged pins pilots wear.

10. I want to have two neapolitan mastiffs. One boy, one girl. The boy will be named Mr. Giles Ellington and the girl will be named Mrs. Beatrice Clearwater. They will have a doggy wedding and doggie birthday parties. I will spoil them rotten and never tell them about the time I ate their cousin during my tour of Asia.