How to deal with cool kids

I live and London and go to school for travel writing, umm can you even fathom how many people I meet each day that are way cooler than me?

I read David Sedaris and my homepage is Perez Hilton, I can't quote James Joyce and I've never been in a band or climbed a mountain. I'm like the shallow puddle next to Lake Huron. I'm so out of my element, but in a good way. So when you are forced to deal with "cool kids" how do you manage to hold your own?

1. When you're in high school the cool kids are the ones wearing Abercrombie and frying their skin off in a tanning bed. After the age of 19, these kids are NOT the cool ones anymore and you have to be able to recognize this and not attempt in any way, shape, or form to emulate them. Putting eyeliner on with a sharpie and sleeping with the football team is best left to high schoolers, there are new cool kids on the block now, so it's time to evolve your strategy.

2. Ok so you've never been in a band, and your knowledge of current Indie groups is limited, but music is essential to the cool kid hierarchy so you've better to learn how to navigate these waters. When talking to cool kids about music, you can just throw out some classic bands, say the Cure, The Smiths, or Sonic Youth. These allow you to hold your own without having to go into too much detail. Just know enough about a few key groups to contribute to the conversation without going all Dave Matthews Band on everyone's ass.

3. Blogging. Cool kids all have their own blog, but don't just put some shitty quotes about love up. No one wants to read that. If you want people to think you're cool you have to think outside the "blog box."

4. How you dress. There is a cool kid uniform and it's a pretty huge step up from all the SUNY Cortland shit you've acquired over the years. So here's what you do: look at Alexa Chung, cry because you can't afford the socks she's wearing, and buy knock offs at H&M and/or Top Shop.

5. Smart kids used to be lame, now smart kids are cool. Watch the news, read books, be able to hold a conversation like a grown-up. Maturity is the coolest. If you can't talk about current events, art, history, or literature, go google it until you can.

6. You know what's cool? socialism. It's a fun idea that every cool kid under the age of 27 is down for. If you have not yet formed an opinion on economic policy (idiot), just say your a socialist for the next decade or so of your life. Sadly for me, I'm the biggest capitalist in the world and I couldn't hide it if I tried.

7. Cultural enlightenment. This is really cool. Start going to the theater, museums, poetry readings, ect. Cool kids love to expand their minds, and you should to. It sort of goes along with the whole "watching the news thing."

8. Cool kids prefer pot over beer, but do it in moderation or else you're a stoner and stoners aren't cool and either are the jam bands that come along with them.

9. When you talk, be blunt. Back in the old days cool kids, i.e. Don Draper, were very polite and socially conscious. That's not cool anymore. Now you should speak your mind, don't shy away from bad words, and cut the bullshit. If you can't hear the word "pussy" without cringing, you aren't very cool.

10. Cool kids don't give a shit and don't follow lists of rules. So don't tell them.