So my sister pimps out my blog on her facebook, well actually no, I pimp out my blog on her facebook. Anyway because I use her wall as Ad space she wanted a shout out. What she's forgetting is that growing up she was never really nice to me. Luckily for her I turned out okay despite her best efforts to cripple me both emotionally and physically. Since I have an open heart made completely of gold I have forgiven her and decided to give her that shout out she so desperately wanted. So here is a brief look at our history:
When I was a growing fetus she kicked my mother in the stomach. You can blame it on the stress of being a 4 year old but I just think she had it out for me from the start.
When I was 4 she made "corn cakes" out of clay. I had to bite them because we were playing pretend peasant and peasants should be happy with whatever they are given. Play-doh still makes me cringe.
When I was 5 she invented the horse game. the object of the game was for me to crawl across my front yard like a horse while she chased me on foot and then beat me with a riding crop. If I crossed over the driveway I'd get lemon ice, but surprisingly I never crossed over and subsequently was beaten every afternoon when I got home from school.
When I was 5 she and my babysitter (who are friends now) would play hide and seek with me, funny thing is, they would never come find me.
When I was 6 she put dog poop in a milkshake and made me drink it. As you can imagine, it tasted like shit.
When I was 6-10 we would play shark in my pool. Erin, always a sucker for detail, would hold my head under the water until I stopped struggling and then she would actually bite me until I bruised.
When I was 8 the trampoline blew away and landed on top of someone's car leaving it severely damaged and flipped over. During the three week period that it was flipped she made me learn, practice, and master her dance routine to the song One Week by the Barenaked Ladies. Just like Pavlov's bitches, I still feel the need to perform every time that damn song comes on.
When I was 9, her and her friend told me I was bad because I didn't finish my bagel. They told me that there were starving children in India who would kill for that bagel. I believe my brief stint in peace keeping had a lot to do with that one incident.
After I turned 9 my sister became a teenager and focused more of her angst on my parents than on me which really helped improve our relationship. She's pretty cool now and does the whole art thing, she also makes sure my eyebrows stay in check and that I am using the right shade of blush, but just because I have forgiven doesn't mean I've forgotten. Love you Erin, Can't wait to announce my pregnancy on your wedding day!
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