My first boyfriend's name was Andy. We were four and met in daycare. He didn't love me, but I loved him and that's all that matters. I told him he had to marry me or else I'd beat him up. He agreed but I am not sure how legal it was. Eventually my parents took me out of daycare and the distance forced us to break up. I tried to stalk him on facebook but was unsuccessful.
I was a late bloomer so my next boyfriend didn't happen again until 7th grade. His name was Chris and he was a hottie, he even played football. I loved him, but we broke up because I wasn't ready to go to 1st base. I mean hello, I was only 10. After we broke up he dated my bff and said I wasn't pretty enough for him. I can't lie, I love that I'm prettier than him now.
After my first heartbreak came Dan. Dan asked me out via a note on the bus. We kept trying to make it work, however I wasn't ready to take the relationship to the next level. We broke up when I still wasn't ready to go to first base. He's married now and I'm still single. Maybe I should have put out after all.
After Dan I took a break from boys to focus on myself. My next boyfriend didn't enter the picture until I was 16. His name was Mike and he was a faggle but I loved him too. He was so hot and listened to emo music, which made him cool in my mind. After weeks of text messages, we made out on my friend's front lawn and he smelled like Doritos and beer. He broke up with me because I wouldn't sleep with him, but hello I was 16 and he smelled like Doritos.
Next was Stan. Stan was just my rebound but he was in love with me. I was playing house and he was planning my future. I went to college and dumped him as soon as I got my first grade. I broke up with him on myspace and fucked him up for a little bit. I still feel like a dick...
After Stan was John. John was super hot but a total dick. I dated him because he was hot and rich and I was 18. He was also incredibly boring and while we hooked up, I watched TV. I think 60 minutes was on. We had nothing in common but we pretended we did because we dressed alike and that's what you do when you're 18. I dumped him, then we got back together and then he dumped me. The next year he became a drug dealer, then he dropped out of school and I traveled Europe then moved to London. Also his follow-up GF was a total Jessica. I like to think I won.
After John, I realized I was more fun than most boys. Now I date myself and we have so much fun together. We're thinking of buying a condo.
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