10. Jennifer Lopez. I used to love Jennifer Lopez, even though I pretended I didn't. I mean "I'm Real," how good was that? She did duets with LL Cool J and Ja Rule, and we all know no one is mo' betta than Ja Rule. Now she is married to that latino skeleton, has babies, and is hosting American Idol? Please love, you are bumming me out, go back to P.Diddy and making Romantic Comedies, actually scratch that last bit.
9. When the remote is on top of the television. That's the worst. The whole point of the remote is that you don't have to go to the TV. This totally bums me out.
8. Those sad commercials with beaten up kittens and starved puppies. I am watching Keeping up the Kardashians, I don't really need to watch a montage of abused baby animals while I am being as shallow as humanly possible. Especially when Sarah McLachlan is playing in the background. Way to make everyone feel like shit!
7. Lines. I am more of an instant gratification person. Not to mention that when growing up my Dad wouldn't wait in lines and would say "No one should ever make you wait," so now it has been hammered into my head that I am above lines. On those rare occasions that I actually wait I throw a temper tantrum and get all whiney. This bums everyone out, including me, obviously.
6. Painful shoes. Ask any girl and they will tell you, nothing ruins a night more than when you have shoes that pinch your toes and gives you blisters. It can actually turn a super fun night and a fabulous outfit into a bum fest in less than 5 minutes.
5. Nicholas Sparks. He may just be the biggest bummer of all. Love only exists if one of you is terminally ill, you have issues with your Dad, and your heart's family hates you. His movies and books are lame as shit and totally cliche, yet they always make me cry. What a bummer.
4. On to another famous Nick, Nicholas Cage. He has always bummed me out, then this week he threw a diva fit in Romania. No one can fuck with Romania, except Anthony Bourdain.
3. Terrorists. Stop trying to make the crusades happen, they're never gonna happen. You are expensive, you fuck up my vacation plans, and you make everyone scared. If you want attention get it through positive actions, God didn't you learn anything in Kindergarten.
2. Teen Mom. If I want to see white trash I can do it on my own time. Thanks MTV for shoving it down my throat and making an entire generation of young girls think babies are fun and lead to lucrative TV contracts.
1. Christina Aguilera. Britney Spears was better than you in 1999, she was better than you when she was in rehab, and she is better than you now. Sorry love.
No comments:
Post a Comment