Roll over

So my parents are in their 60's, which means they are pretty much retired which means they have a tremendous amount of time on their hands. As with all Dennison's, my parents don't do clubs, don't particularly like new people, and they certainly don't like cruises or other retired persons crap. This only exaggerates the amount of time they have to fill their days.

After my sister and I flew the coop, my parents had even more time and so they got a dog to fill the void. She is a white boxer named Riley. As with all boxers, the girl is a fucking nutjob. She constantly needs attention, she is totally spoiled, she eats everything, and she gives fabulous hugs. She is the star of the family and we all make sure she knows it. She even goes on play dates and has now laid claim to my old bed. Anyway, my parents love her like a child and spend large portions of their time thinking about her, talking about her, and caring for her.

I was skyping with said parents yesterday and as per usual they were talking about my second sister Riley. She has been very difficult lately with the snow and all so they gave her my old stuffed dog, a life sized St. Bernard, hoping that she'd befriend the dog and calm down a little bit. Unfortunately, since Riley isn't a Chinese panda, she knows when things are real and when they are not and subsequently ignored the toy. She might be crazy and difficult, but the bitch isn't dumb.

Having lost the battle but not the war, the Dennison's took it to another level. They dedicated even more time in order to convince little Riley that my old toy was in fact real. Feeding the stuffed dog cheese, talking to the stuffed dog, petting the stuffed dog, letting the stuffed dog sit on the couch (something Riley isn't even allowed to do)....ect. ect. They spent more time caring for a stuffed animal then they have for Riley. Annoyed that Riley wasn't believing them they wanted her to become jealous of the dog, I think they even gave it a name. Not so sure if dogs can get jealous, but anyway I digress...

They tried everything to convince Riley that this dog was a the newly chosen one. Since Riley is a passive-aggressive asshole, she dragged the stuffed dog that is bigger than her and left it in front of my parents bedroom door in the middle of the night as an act of protest. Sadly, my poor parents don't know what to do anymore because Riley is now ignoring them, and so is the fake dog.