10. If you live in Rochester, take the cat to Lollypop farm. They have to take it, I mean they will kill it in 2 weeks, but at least you don't have to feel guilty about it.
9. Leave it outside. Cat's used to be wild and tough, come on they weren't originally found in pet stores. So just bring it out to the woods and walk away. Yeah it's a little Hansel and Gretel, but survival of the fittest never goes out of style.
8. Send it to the Dnepropetrovsk maniacs, ummm actually don't.
7. Buy a bigger dog. Remember that annoying story you had to read and sing to everyday in Kindergarten music class? I don't know why she swallowed a fly? I guess this sort of goes along with survival of the fittest, but it is a dog eat dog world.
6. If you aren't tough enough to leave the kitty out in the woods, just leave the door open until it creeps out, then shut it, change the locks and refuse to ever think about it ever again. You can even get sympathy, I mean your precious cat ran away...sad.
5. Give it to a small child. Kids will never say no to a new fluffy pet, and once the kid has it, their parents will have to let them keep it. What kind of monster would take away a cat from a child? EXACTLY.
4. Feed it to an ATM. Sorry, an American Psycho reference was in order.
3. Pull a Lenny and hug it until you accidentally break it's neck. No joke, Erin did this already when she was 4 years old. Mom and Dad told her it wasn't her fault, but I mean she did strangle it to death.
2. Put an ad on Craigslist, yeah I think that malibusnakeman@gmail sounds legit. Oh he'll take it for free? As long as he can meet you at night? in the ghetto? Don't tell the cops? Well, at least you won't have to worry about that damn cat anymore.
1. Close the garage door on it. Before you think I'm evil, Erin's last cat Fluffy was 18 when my Dad "accidentally" closed the garage door on her. Foolproof method.
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