Last night I was watching Sex and the City, because that's what I do when I stay in, and it was all about the clone army that the suburbs produces. The whole thing looked fake, forced, and full of prozac. Well I get that, because part of me believes that, but truth me told, suburban kids have it pretty made, case in point:
10. Bikes, scooters, skateboards. These are your life and your only mode of transportation. Want to go to Kelly's house? bike it. Your neighborhood is your world and your domain so biking around it several times a day is essential.
9. Well you can't just bike around the block by yourself. You need a group. Your posse can be coed or just girls/boys. In the summer, you will see them everyday and you will form a bond stronger than blood and water, it probably won't be stronger than puberty though so live it up while you can, before geeky Jason becomes Hot Jason.
8. Gang warfare. So you have your group, but a group means nothing without a rival. In our neighborhood there were two neighborhood groups, we would occasionally unite during kickball games and capture the flag, but even during times of peace the lines were clearly drawn. We also had a rivalry against a nearby neighborhood. Our houses were newer though so clearly, we won.
7. Speaking of kickball, neighborhood games are essential, I mean you can't ride your bike around all day. So what do you play? Kickball, football, capture the flag, hide and seek. These are the basics. Oh and when you get older and can stay out late you switch to ghost in the graveyard. This is the best because you get to hide with the boy you like.
6. Go to the mall. When you become a little bit more old and boring, you'll beg your parents to take you to the mall. Every suburb has one and it will become the center of your universe. When you hit 13, the neighborhood is suddenly replaced by the mall, god 13 year olds suck.
5. Have a dog. Those kids without dogs always grow up weird. I know a few people who were never properly exposed to dogs when they grew up. Noticed I said I knew, not that I was friends with them.
4. Have a neighborhood crush. Every single girl in the neighborhood had a crush. It keeps things more interesting. You get to be excited every time they bike by. My mom and her neighborhood posse would all line up and ask Johnny which one he thought was prettier. I'm pretty sure me and my posse did the exact same thing. Not to mention, when you camp outside in your backyard they will come in the middle of the night to scare you.
3. Oh and that being said! You're a suburban kid, you don't camp in the forest, you do it in your backyard. You toast marshmallows over you're father's grill, sit by the pool (who needs a lake?) then sleep in a 5 person tent. You tell creepy ghost stories and when the boys from across the street come and scare you, you totally get freaked out...even though you were expecting it the whole time and put it in your AIM away message.
2. Sneak booze from your parents starting at 15. Try to corrupt the younger ones, and think you're really cool. Tell everyone you know that you tried wine coolers and mike's hard lemonade. People in cities drink whiskey and gin, people in the suburbs of upstate new york like their liquor with a bag of sugar.
1. Dream of moving to a big city and pretend that, despite your ideal upbringing, you will never move back to the suburbs and drive a mini-van. Even though we all know you totally will.
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ReplyDeleteThis city kid just threw up in his mouth. There are certain things that just drive me nuts and suburbs are right up there with crying babies and people who back into parking spaces.
ReplyDeleteMaybe it's the exact same house one after the other. Maybe it's the well off white kids who insist they're thug life. Maybe it's the 20,000 of them who come into Albany and treat it like it's a bathroom slash garbage can, then retreat back to their coul-de-sac while screaming out NIMBY.
Just my opinion of course.
This rural kid just threw up in his mouth. There is a certain comedic irony to a city kids complaining about someone else treating a place like a bathroom/garbage can.
ReplyDeletesteven.white, you seem to get a kick out of yourself. Care to explain your comedic irony comment? I have a feeling you don't quite get the meaning of irony, much like the rest of the hipsters these days.
ReplyDeleteYup, clearly I get a kick out of myself. I didn't realize not agreeing with your opinions made me a hipster.
ReplyDeleteIt is ironic because you detest people for treating your city like a garbage can when people from cities have a reputation of doing that when they travel outside of the city.