How to survive a state school...

Well it's just a day of survival here now isn't it. When I was applying to colleges I was 16. I wanted a fun school that wouldn't drown my family in debt. I didn't have the grades into Harvard or Yale and I didn't smoke enough pot/wasn't a snob enough to get into most other private schools. So, like most of my friends, I went to a SUNY school (State University of New York). The thing is, state school folk, like myself, learn a lot. Lets just say that watching Jersey Shore makes me feel nostalgic for my SUNY Cortland experience. So here you go, how to survive a SUNY.

10. Decide whether you're more of a frat kid or a sports kid. I personally hate frat boys so I decided to party with athletes. (Oh right, i forgot to mention when your a chick at a SUNY school what boys you hang out with determine your entire social life) Anyway, I started with the athletes because they were a little less date-rapey and a little more keg stand. Eventually, I decided that they were lame too and turned to the misfits by Junior year. I mean, yeah the baseball team was fun for a little bit but their self-worship got exhausting. My boys didn't have jerseys or letters so my group of guys were just plain fun. Those bro's raised me.

9. Learn to recognize when a boy is on steroids. Recently, a fraternity at my old university got busted for hazing. During the bust, cops found steroids. SHOCKING. Learn when a boy is on steroids, because truth me told, boys that are juiced up are terrifying. They get super mad and they will hit you. The first time I realized a boy was capable of hitting me I almost had a panic attack. Luckily, I ran and he just stood there with the steam pouring out of his ears. Sorry Snooki, but when a boy is juiced, stay away. (fun fact: the boy who punched Snooki was the bouncer at my school's local bar).

8. Learn to recognize roofies. So you drank a beer, just one, and you can barely walk. Well guess what, you've just been roofied. When this happens, don't panic, just go home and go to sleep. On more than one occasion I have had someone come up to me and tell me not to drink my drink. Roofies are for boys with no skills and no moral conscious. Real men never use roofies and not to sound like a NARC, but if you know someone has those little pills, report that shit. An acquaintance of mine once saw a frat boy put a whole pack into a batch of jungle juice, what a guy, she laughed it off like it was NBD. Guess what? It is. Besides, what guy is so insecure with his own skills that the girl has to be knocked out for either party to enjoy it?

7. Hazing. I never joined a sorority but the majority of my friends did and I saw a lot of hazing. At first you get incredibly grossed out by it, how could anyone do that? But eventually you have to give it up. These girls are over 18 and if they want to subject themselves to eating crap, not showering, and verbal abuse than let them. Eventually, I thought it was hilarious.

6. Take bagels from the dining hall. You don't need to do this when you live on campus and you have a sick meal plan, but as soon as you move off, take full advantage of this. Bring a big purse and take as many bagels/cereal/whatever as possible. You pay taxes, you deserve those bagels. Besides, you spent all your grocery money on beer.

5. Binge drink. Freshman year we would all sit on the floor and pass a bottle of vodka back and forth until it was gone. 8 shots should never been considered pregaming, but when you're 18 that's exactly what it is. The best part of it was, I never even got hungover until I hit 21, oh the irony.

4. Get a group. The people I lived with freshman year were my hommies throughout college. Everyone needs a group, and the fact of the matter is, those groups are determined within the first month of college. So as soon as you move in, be as friendly as possible until you are accepted. The best part of college is, it hasn't been this easy to make friends since kindergarten.

3. Don't stress too much about work. I always got my shit done and I still managed to binge drink every weekend. No one likes the kid who stays in the library all weekend. I mean, it is a state school after all. Obviously if you went to MIT, it'd probably be a different story. College is 25% work, and 75% social experience, don't sacrifice one, because you don't need to.

2. About once a week, my friends would fall in love with a boy, tell them all their secrets, screw them and then get screwed over by them. You can't expect to find true love around the keg. The truth is, everyone is at college to have a blast, very few guys are out their searching for the one, and if they are they are probably pretty lame. So what to do? Have fun and never take it too seriously. He probably had herpes anyway. Oh and about that...GET TESTED, A LOT. 1 in 4 people on SUNY campuses has a STD. How romantic.

1. Take full advantage of it everyday. There is no other time in your life that you can wear sweatpants 24/7, can get hammered everyday, have literally no responsibilities, and have your life be completely about fun. It's controlled chaos and it'll only happen to you once so breathe it in.

Honorable mentions: Halloween, sneaking into bars, keystone, beer pong, flip-cup, kegs+eggs, the health center.