Grrrrrossssss

So I was doing my usual facebook stalking yesterday, and yes I continue to get much better at it with each passing day. That being said, I came across a status update about how one girl felt unloved and miserable. Then she even asked why she was so unlovable. She was immediately flooded with wall posts and comments galore about how wonderful and fabulous she was. Now, usually the self-pity of a facebook acquaintance would be none of my business, but since it was actually published on facebook I will make it my business.

This is a little lesson on human nature and appropriate facebook etiquette.

10. Never whine about being sick. If you just have a cold then nobody cares, and if you're dying of liver cancer than it just makes everyone very, very uncomfortable. I understand the need to be coddled when you're brain is melting and you're face is running, but that should be left to your mother, not the greater facebook community.

9. Myspace pictures on facebook. There is a reason Myspace just let go of half of their staff and is slowly, and painfully dying. It's because it became a parody of itself and 12 year old girls using angels to make themselves look better also made everyone uncomfortable. When I log on to facebook and I see someone whose new facebook picture is self taken in a mirror I feel sick inside and want to become a hermit for them.

8. Bitching about break-ups. I wonder why he dumped you, maybe it's because you put your entire spectrum of emotions on your facespace profile. Saying "Timmy Jonhson is a dick" only makes you look crazy, it doesn't make Timmy look like a dick.

7. Facebook quizes....WTF? stop trying to send subliminal messages to the boys you like.

6. Marilyn. I was talking to a friend of mine the other day. He was telling me about one of his exes who was crazy and loved Marilyn Monroe. No shit. You want to know if someone is crazy check their facebook and if Marilyn is listened anywhere on the profile run away as fast as you can. Marilyn was killed by the Kennedy's and died in an apartment surrounded by animal feces. Super cute hero.

5. Pictures of your baby. When people get pregnant and then put pictures of their spawn on facebook it's sort of weird. Babies shouldn't be making their facebook debut until they hit 13 and start hating their parents.

4. "Liking" a lot of things. I always know someone is crazy when they have "liked" half a million things. I don't like most things in real life, this means I like even less things in fake facebook life. When people like a lot of things it means they are trying to show people a little something quirky about their personality. If you have to show it on facebook, you ain't got it.

3. When people say they are going to delete their facebook. This is just like when people say they are sad or sick on facebook. They need positive feedback from the masses in order to convince them to stay. Sorry Trish, you can leave the party.

2. When people threaten to delete friends on facebook. If I see one more status saying "I'm going to start deleting people" I'll gag. Delete me, it's fine, if you feel as though I am not adding anything to the facebook conversation than by all means go ahead. Besides, you added me.

1. Actually deleting me.....does that mean we aren't real life friends anymore either? Do I still have to nod at you when I see you at Eastview mall?