0-10: When I was little I thought my Dad was the biggest, strongest person in the world. I told my daycare teachers I was going to marry him (no freudian) and all the bullies that my Dad would come and beat them up. He used to spill coffee on me every time he drove me to work but that was ok because big guys who beat up bad guys need their coffee for strength. He wasn't actually a person, more like a superhero who played way too much golf and wore way too many polos.
10-15: At this point my Dad was still the big guy, but he also became an authority figure. I never got in trouble too often, but at this point I wasn't getting great grades and I figured out I hated sports. So he was still my Dad, and I still loved him, but sometimes he was a pain in the ass.
15-20: I was pretty much done growing up at this point so we got along better. I got my shit together and my grades went up. It also became apparent by this point that I would never like sports so he gave up on that hope. We reached a good balance but he was still the big cheese and I was still afraid he would yell at my sometimes.
20-22: The man is a nut. Now that I'm done with college and so I can't really fuck up that badly anymore I know him more as a person as opposed to a parent. He has crafted this persona of a redneck lawyer, and the perfect asshole who secretly gives money to bums on the street and genuinely believes in any and all conspiracy theories. Until recently, he drove around in a bright yellow hummer with an NRA sticker listening to Dave Clark 5. He also plays with trains and refuses to learn how to print anything off the computer. While I was home for Christmas, he brought us to a friend's Christmas party JUST to show us how weird/whipped his friend was. We spent the entire time giggling at our hosts in the back corner like a couple of cool kids in middle school, then we ran out without saying goodbye.
Ed. note: He comes highly recommended by all the inmates at the Monroe County Jail....awesome.
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